Crush Crush Wikia
Advertisement

Alfie is a billionaire genius who builds planet-saving tech. He contacts you to find out how you managed to breach Leo's security protocols. His phone fling is unlocked after receiving Leo's third picture.

Personality[]

Trivia[]

Messages[]

Note that pauses under 5 minutes long are not indicated. Where the progress column says (A) or (B), these are your left and right options for how to respond.

SFW Version[]

Progress SFW chat
1/26 Hey there. How's it going?
2/26 So you're not like a super villain or anything are you?
(A) I... I don't think so.
(B) More of an anti-hero, I would say.
3/26 Hmm... That does sound like something a super villain would say, though. Right? Oh interesting. Slightly elevated sarcasm. Quick retort indicates charming cleverness.
4/26 I mean, asking someone if they're a super villain is a lot like asking them if they're asleep. And your psyche work up does indicate a decent Angst stat.
5/26 They can't say yes. That's just math. This is excellent data, thank you.
6/26 My name is Alfie, by the way. Nice to meet you.
7/26 I'm one of those billionaire genius types you hear about on the internet.
8/26 But instead of electric cars or social media dumpsters, I build superheroes.
(A) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(B) That's... nice. Sorry, I'm not totally sure how to respond to that.
9/26 Ah, nice. Sagan. Good choice.
10/26 Does this sound familiar...
11/26 "LAUNCH LEO.EXE?"
12/26 "Apologies, Master. I will defeat the incoming danger before conversing with you further."
13/26 "And my clothes are starting to tear from the impact of battle."
(A) Oh my gosh, that's stuff LEO said! Is he okay?
(B) Spicy stuff.
14/26 Oh, for sure. Don't worry. He gets destroyed practically every battle. It's a thing with him. Hahaha! It is! The whole conversation has a decent Scoville rating, to be honest.
15/26 LEO's doing great. I'm just trying to figure out how you managed to breach his security protocols.
16/26 As you can imagine - having my $5 billion cyborg superhero / sexy butler get hijacked raises concerns.
(A) I didn't mean to... do that stuff. It just seemed to happen.
(B) Wait, what was that 'butler' part?
17/26 Hmmm... Well, I mean...
18/26 You might be a code R34, maybe? You do have an unusually high Luck rating... Picture him in a bowtie, and I think your questions are answered.
19/26 Well, regardless of the highjack, LEO's been going on and on about you since we discovered what happened.
20/26 He really likes you.
21/26 So I wanted to see if you were a bad guy. Someone with a grudge, or a secret plan for world domination.
(A) And you figured I would just tell you if you asked?
(B) So wait, you're actually a genius inventor person? You're not pulling my leg?
22/26 Sure. Supervillains are always looking to talk about their evil plans. I don't pull legs, unless asked nicely.
23/26 If you poke the bear, sometimes they just can't help but sue your pants off. Or whatever bears do. Or in a mean way too, I suppose. It's a spur of the moment kind of thing.
24/26 But legit - genius superhero inventor.
25/26 Check my current view.
26/26 [Alfie Photo 1]
1/25 You can't hear it, but my theme music is playing.
(A) I guess you're more of a 'PC' guy, rather than console.
(B) WHOA! That's a lot of tech!
2/25 Nah. I get'em all. I build my own. I cross-play with the best of them. This is actually just my bathroom.
3/25 Need a mouse for FPS, though. If you disagree, fight me. Kidding, of course. My bathroom is posh as hell though.
4/25 Yeah, I'm part of a 'secret' organization of superheroes that defend the world from major disasters.
5/25 I'm sure you got the jist from LEO though.
6/25 I'm the guy that does the 'mech, tech, write the cheque' stuff.
(A) Sounds like exciting work!
(B) Must keep you busy.
7/25 If climactic battles and emotionally stirring death scenes are your thing, it's hella exciting. Yes and no. It seems like the threats are pretty evenly paced. A couple a year.
8/25 The trick is keeping up enthusiasm on your 23rd adventure. But so far so good. Almost like the bad guys are trying to avoid 'action fatigue' or something.
9/25 But we do our best to also do the downtime thing. Get enough R&R. Etc.
10/25 Hey - according to your file it says that you save people from 'curses' or something? Is that true?
(A) Sort of. I save people by going on dates and kissing and junk.
(B) It is. Though it's a long story. Likely a few weeks of gameplay, actually.
11/25 That's solid. We mostly do punching over here -it's nice to hear there are other options for solving problems out there. Interesting. That just makes me even more curious.
12/25 If you're saving people, though, maybe you should consider joining our superhero team.
13/25 Do you have a hero name or anything you go by?
(A) I mean, a lot of people seem to like calling me "Marshmallow".
(B) The Blusher.
14/25 Nice. That name summons up images of sweetness, softness, oddly androgynous-ness... Hahaha! Fantastic!
15/25 Makes me want to stick you in some hot cocoa and sit by the fire. That's an ace name. I once tried to get HQ to refer to me as 'Grower-not-Shower' but they thought that was unprofessional.
16/25 With a name like that, you're already ahead of 90% of the other heroes, in terms of marketability.
17/25 Seriously, we have one gal called, "Bald Cloak". Her gimmick is she's bald, I guess?
18/25 In any case, what do you say? Want to be a superhero? This is officially a recruitment call now.
(A) It sounds kinda dangerous...
(B) I'm listening...
19/25 Oh it is, but there are perks to offset that stuff. Nice. Negotiation mode activated.
20/25 Heroes are paid well (if they like money). They get top billing at celebrity functions. VIP treatment.
21/25 Master trained chefs, free luxury housing, a fleet of cars.
22/25 We've got world class recreational facilities too, including spas.
23/25 Hold on, I'll send you a pic from my latest de-toxi-dip.
Pause 1 day pause
24/25 Look at how relaxed I look.
25/25 [Alfie Photo 2]
1/29 Ready for another day of saving the world.
(A) Looks like a fun place to 'mingle' with coworkers.
(B) Well THAT'S a revealing pose.
2/29 If by 'mingle' you mean - 'peeking under the cape' then yeah. Yeah - I managed to find a towel just before this was taken.
3/29 But it's a good vibe. Everyone is chill and respectful. The dress code around here is a bit on the...
4/29 Except me. I'm always up to no good. Watch out for that guy. Well, let's just say superheroes look good. And they look better with less.
5/29 So have I convinced you?
(A) I mean.. I'm more 'dating sim' than 'action adventure'...
(B) I could use more convincing.
6/29 Hey, I hear you. I have the luxury of leading from behind the lines. Alright, let's see what else I can dig up.
7/29 But it's not like we'll send you up against a kaiju level threat or anything. I'm actually more used to having people say, "Make me a hero! I'll join!"
8/29 Unless that would work. Do your love powers work on giant monster? This is refreshing. You've got a 'lead character' vibe I'm liking.
9/29 Actually, nevermind. Insurance nightmare. Just don't go sacrificing yourself to save the world or anything. Seems to be a common hazard for those types.
10/29 Well, one other perk I could sell you on is me.
11/29 I'd hang out with you. Be nice. Rub your feet.
(A) Tempting... Genius billionaires are oddly appealing, for some reason.
(B) Unexpected answer.
12/29 For sure. At least that's what I've heard. Unexpected is kind of my MO.
13/29 Going over your conversation with LEO, I was pleasantly surprised with how you handles it.
14/29 It's obvious you cared about his situation right away. You showed real empathy and concern.
15/29 It's a great quality. Cool under pressure. Supportive. Loving, even.
16/29 We could use a lot more of that around here.
(A) Okay, but that doesn't fully explain what you meant.
(B) I mean, I was just nice to LEO. He was cool. And muscle-y.
17/29 For sure. Getting to that. TBH I made him pretty much exactly what I find dreamy.
18/29 You're sharp. He's hard to say no to.
19/29 Anyway, we have a lot of heroes in the field, but not a lot of solid people running intelligence back at base.
20/29 Mostly me. Robots. A talking dog. A ghost. An alien fish.
21/29 So when I'm running missions, I would love to have a charming, tender voice running support with me.
(A) You're saying you're lonely?
(B) Aww. Alfie has a heart.
22/29 Nah. Not like that. I'd just love a witty, attractive person to play off of. That's the rumor.
23/29 And you come with impeccable qualifications. Also, it's no fun flirting with the ghost or the robots. And the alien fish is a snob.
24/29 What do you say?
(A) I'll consider your pitch.
(B) I think I need just a little more convincing...
25/29 Hmm. I'm used to more 'snap' decisions, so I must not be doing a good job. Say no more.
26/29 Hold on a bit - I'll throw one more perk into the pot.
27/29 Be right back.
Pause 2 day pause
28/29 Okay, here you go.
29/29 [Alfie Photo 3]
1/∞ I'll build you your own jetpack, and we'll go on adventures.
2/∞ How's that for a sales pitch?
(A) SOLD!
(B) Hahaha! Okay, okay, good pitch.
3/∞ Hahaha! Wonderful. Excellent. Thank you for your patience.
4/∞ That's the answer I was looking for, thanks. A little off my game, but we got there.
5/∞ I honestly should have started with the jetpack.
6/∞ The jetpack always works.
7/∞ Okay, but in all seriousness, give the superhero thing consideration.
8/∞ I can tell you're a force for good in the world. And even if you're not officially a hero, I know you'll still be helping people.
9/∞ So either way, you're in my good book. I'm writing your name as we speak.
(A) You're in my good book too.
(B) A book? Shouldn't you use, like, a data pad or something?
10/∞ I'm glad to hear it. I tend to spend a lot of time on the naughty list. Some things demand an analog solution.
11/∞ Alright, give it thought. And maybe we'll chat again.
12/∞ Thanks for the chat. Highlight of my week.
13/∞ Take it easy.
14/∞ Over and out.

Uncut Version[]

The NSFW track diverges from the SFW track with your response to his first photo. All three pictures are different between versions.

Progress "Uncut" chat
1/26 Hey there. How's it going?
2/26 So you're not like a super villain or anything are you?
(A) I... I don't think so.
(B) More of an anti-hero, I would say.
3/26 Hmm... That does sound like something a super villain would say, though. Right? Oh interesting. Slightly elevated sarcasm. Quick retort indicates charming cleverness.
4/26 I mean, asking someone if they're a super villain is a lot like asking them if they're asleep. And your psyche work up does indicate a decent Angst stat.
5/26 They can't say yes. That's just math. This is excellent data, thank you.
6/26 My name is Alfie, by the way. Nice to meet you.
7/26 I'm one of those billionaire genius types you hear about on the internet.
8/26 But instead of electric cars or social media dumpsters, I build superheroes.
(A) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(B) That's... nice. Sorry, I'm not totally sure how to respond to that.
9/26 Ah, nice. Sagan. Good choice.
10/26 Does this sound familiar...
11/26 "LAUNCH LEO.EXE?"
12/26 "Apologies, Master. I will defeat the incoming danger before conversing with you further."
13/26 "And my clothes are starting to tear from the impact of battle."
(A) Oh my gosh, that's stuff LEO said! Is he okay?
(B) Spicy stuff.
14/26 Oh, for sure. Don't worry. He gets destroyed practically every battle. It's a thing with him. Hahaha! It is! The whole conversation has a decent Scoville rating, to be honest.
15/26 LEO's doing great. I'm just trying to figure out how you managed to breach his security protocols.
16/26 As you can imagine - having my $5 billion cyborg superhero / sexy butler get hijacked raises concerns.
(A) I didn't mean to... do that stuff. It just seemed to happen.
(B) Wait, what was that 'butler' part?
17/26 Hmmm... Well, I mean...
18/26 You might be a code R34, maybe? You do have an unusually high Luck rating... Picture him in a bowtie, and I think your questions are answered.
19/26 Well, regardless of the highjack, LEO's been going on and on about you since we discovered what happened.
20/26 He really likes you.
21/26 So I wanted to see if you were a bad guy. Someone with a grudge, or a secret plan for world domination.
(A) And you figured I would just tell you if you asked?
(B) So wait, you're actually a genius inventor person? You're not pulling my leg?
22/26 Sure. Supervillains are always looking to talk about their evil plans. I don't pull legs, unless asked nicely.
23/26 If you poke the bear, sometimes they just can't help but sue your pants off. Or whatever bears do. Or in a mean way too, I suppose. It's a spur of the moment kind of thing.
24/26 But legit - genius superhero inventor.
25/26 Check my current view.
26/26 [NSFW Photo]
1/25 You can't hear it, but my theme music is playing.
(A) What's going on with that screen behind you?
(B) You're cute. If I say I'm a super villain, would you come get me?
2/25 It's porn. I watch porn at work. Probably. Do you have a cute animal theme? Or are you more of a 'nutsack chin' type?
3/25 Keeps the edge on. Reminds me why I like saving the world. Not hating on either, btw. Just thinking out loud here.
4/25 And just so it's said, I'm flexible. I'll join any "superhero crossover", you know what I mean?
5/25 Psychic gals, cyborg guys, strangely androgynous aliens.
6/25 I'm the guy that does the 'mech, tech, write the cheque' stuff.
(A) Sounds like exciting work!
(B) Must keep you busy.
7/25 If climactic battles and emotionally stirring death scenes are your thing, it's hella exciting. Yes and no. It seems like the threats are pretty evenly paced. A couple a year.
8/25 The trick is keeping up enthusiasm on your 23rd adventure. But so far so good. Almost like the bad guys are trying to avoid 'action fatigue' or something.
9/25 But we do our best to also do the downtime thing. Get enough R&R. Etc.
10/25 Hey - according to your file it says that you save people from 'curses' or something? Is that true?
(A) Sort of. I save people by going on dates and kissing and junk.
(B) It is. Though it's a long story. Likely a few weeks of gameplay, actually.
11/25 That's solid. We mostly do punching over here -it's nice to hear there are other options for solving problems out there. Interesting. That just makes me even more curious.
12/25 If you're saving people, though, maybe you should consider joining our superhero team.
13/25 Do you have a hero name or anything you go by?
(A) I mean, a lot of people seem to like calling me "Marshmallow".
(B) The Blusher.
14/25 Nice. That name summons up images of sweetness, softness, oddly androgynous-ness... Hahaha! Fantastic!
15/25 Makes me want to stick you in some hot cocoa and sit by the fire. That's an ace name. I once tried to get HQ to refer to me as 'Grower-not-Shower' but they thought that was unprofessional.
16/25 With a name like that, you're already ahead of 90% of the other heroes, in terms of marketability.
17/25 Seriously, we have one gal called, "Bald Cloak". Her gimmick is she's bald, I guess?
18/25 In any case, what do you say? Want to be a superhero? This is officially a recruitment call now.
(A) It sounds kinda dangerous...
(B) I'm listening...
19/25 Oh it is, but there are perks to offset that stuff. Nice. Negotiation mode activated.
20/25 Heroes are paid well (if they like money). They get top billing at celebrity functions. VIP treatment.
21/25 Master trained chefs, free luxury housing, a fleet of cars.
22/25 We've got world class recreational facilities too, including spas.
23/25 Hold on, I'll send you a pic from my latest de-toxi-dip.
Pause 1 day pause
24/25 Look at how relaxed I look.
25/25 [NSFW Photo]
1/29 Excuse the full frontal. The dress code is set to 'sultry' right now.
(A) Water must be warm...
(B) I mean, how do I say no to that?
2/29 Yeah, It's perfect. And it's cleaned hourly, in case heroes get more 'personal'. I know - the water is stellar.
3/29 It's honestly kind of an orgy magnet around here, but the atmosphere is relaxed and non-aggressive. Oh, you meant me. Well thanks! But please note I'm not even in the top 10 around here for Buff Stat.
4/29 Superheroes just like getting it on. LEO is though. Guy is cut. I know - because I cut him myself.
5/29 So have I convinced you?
(A) I mean.. I'm more 'dating sim' than 'action adventure'...
(B) I could use more convincing.
6/29 Hey, I hear you. I have the luxury of leading from behind the lines. Alright, let's see what else I can dig up.
7/29 But it's not like we'll send you up against a kaiju level threat or anything. I'm actually more used to having people say, "Make me a hero! I'll join!"
8/29 Unless that would work. Do your love powers work on giant monster? This is refreshing. You've got a 'lead character' vibe I'm liking.
9/29 Actually, nevermind. Insurance nightmare. Just don't go sacrificing yourself to save the world or anything. Seems to be a common hazard for those types.
10/29 Well, one other perk I could sell you on is me.
11/29 I'd hang out with you. Be nice. Rub your feet.
(A) Tempting... Genius billionaires are oddly appealing, for some reason.
(B) Unexpected answer.
12/29 For sure. At least that's what I've heard. Unexpected is kind of my MO.
13/29 Going over your conversation with LEO, I was pleasantly surprised with how you handles it.
14/29 It's obvious you cared about his situation right away. You showed real empathy and concern.
15/29 It's a great quality. Cool under pressure. Supportive. Loving, even.
16/29 We could use a lot more of that around here.
(A) Okay, but that doesn't fully explain what you meant.
(B) I mean, I was just nice to LEO. He was cool. And muscle-y.
17/29 For sure. Getting to that. TBH I made him pretty much exactly what I find dreamy.
18/29 You're sharp. He's hard to say no to.
19/29 Anyway, we have a lot of heroes in the field, but not a lot of solid people running intelligence back at base.
20/29 Mostly me. Robots. A talking dog. A ghost. An alien fish.
21/29 So when I'm running missions, I would love to have a charming, tender voice running support with me.
(A) You're saying you're lonely?
(B) Aww. Alfie has a heart.
22/29 Nah. Not like that. I'd just love a witty, attractive person to play off of. That's the rumor.
23/29 And you come with impeccable qualifications. Also, it's no fun flirting with the ghost or the robots. And the alien fish is a snob.
24/29 What do you say?
(A) I'll consider your pitch.
(B) I think I need just a little more convincing...
25/29 Hmm. I'm used to more 'snap' decisions, so I must not be doing a good job. Say no more.
26/29 Hold on a bit - I'll throw one more perk into the pot.
27/29 Be right back.
Pause 2 day pause
28/29 Okay, here you go.
29/29 [NSFW Photo]
1/∞ I'll build you your own jetpack, and we'll go on sexy, naked adventures.
2/∞ How's that for a sales pitch?
(A) Can...Can you do it with someone... Mid-air?
(B) Things are looking up, I see.
3/∞ That's exactly the sort of question that demands empirical testing. Oh yeah, inventing crap makes me hard.
4/∞ I love science. Which is often. So it's a bit of an occupational hazard.
5/∞ I honestly should have started with the jetpack.
6/∞ The jetpack always works.
7/∞ Okay, but in all seriousness, give the superhero thing consideration.
8/∞ I can tell you're a force for good in the world. And even if you're not officially a hero, I know you'll still be helping people.
9/∞ So either way, you're in my good book. I'm writing your name as we speak.
(A) You're in my good book too.
(B) A book? Shouldn't you use, like, a data pad or something?
10/∞ I'm glad to hear it. I tend to spend a lot of time on the naughty list. Some things demand an analog solution.
11/∞ Alright, give it thought. And maybe we'll chat again.
12/∞ Thanks for the chat. Highlight of my week.
13/∞ Take it easy.
14/∞ Over and out.

Gallery[]

Advertisement