Anon

Anon is the fifth guy to appear in the game. He is unlocked by reaching level 16 in the Gaming (Gamer) hobby. Story wise, he is turned into a lemur, and meets you in a cafe after you accidentally hack into NORAD.

Personality

Anon comes off as a reclusive and cheeky geek who is content with his tendency to spend most of his time online.

Dialogue List

First Meeting

You decide to try searching the "internets" for information on the manimals you cursed. You grab a seat at an internet cafe, and start internetting. But after a few quick searches, you realize you've accidentally hacked into NORAD.
A mysterious message pops-up on your screen, from a hacker called Anon. He congratulates you on your leet hacking skillz, and calls for a truce.
"I cannae BELIEVE ye beat ma best time! Even as I was tryin' to stop ye! That kind of hackin' demands a pint to celebrate. Let's go - I'm at the computer just in front of ye. Don't mind ma affliction."
You look up, and are surprised to see a lemur where you were expecting to see something more human-shaped. It's one of the boys you cursed! Now you just have to break the news that his 'affliction' is your fault...

Adversary

I'm a lemur. Can I be excused?

Talk

At least ye didn't turn me into a frog. Long, lonely story that one. Name's Anon, by the by.
Meh. At least I still have thumbs. I can type. I can raid. Ye can go. I got dis.
U wot, mate? Ye sayin' yer the source of ma plight? Are ye just havin' a go at me?
So yer the daft punk that /b/ witched me, aye? And here I was hopin' I was just trippin' red bulls or something.
I should be doxxin' ye back to the stone age. Yer children's children will be receivin' glitter bombs when I'm through with ye!

Date

[Dinner] Gawd, is there any greater achievement of mankind than unlimited free bread? There's nae. I checked.
[BoatRide] Those Koi fish now have 59,000 followers. And a lot of creepy fanart on 4chan. The internet didn't let me down today.
[Coaster] Look, all's well that ends well. Sure, the roller coaster crashed. But now that's a thing we can look back on fondly together. Brings a tear to ma eye.
[Carnival] Ye be scared yer way, and I'll be mine. While ye were shakin' in yer boots at cardboard ghosties, I was checkin' the crypto market. Talk about fear!

Poke

What did ye just do to me? I'll have you know I graduated top of ma class in the Navy Seals, and I have over 300 confirmed... Oh wait. This isn't the internet. Don't tickle me like that.

Upgrade to Acquaintance

Alright. If ye be insistin' on pesterin' me, ye can stick around. But be warned that I'm still plannin' ma revenge, and it will be a sight to behold when I enact it.
Good. We're both on the same page. Grab a controller, let's game.

Acquaintance

Perchin' on the toiler is ma new least favorite thing.

Talk

Ye sure do like to blather. Mind puttin' these in a text, so I can ignore them at ma leisure?
Stickin' around? Yer choice. But now we're gonna talk a bit about if P = NP, and all the applications it has on yer life. Startin' right now.
Did ye know we're a quantum tunnelin' event away from collapsin' the false vacuum of the universe and ceasin' to exist? Bein' a lemur don't seem so bad now, aye?
Ugh. I've got this weird impulse to bask in the sun now. I'm a gawd-damn basement dweller with a sun fetish. Where's a decent poacher when ye need em?
I caught myself hackin' into the global banana supply database today. I was less concerned about the impulse, and more about the fact that there's a global banana supply database.

Date

[Same as Adversary]

Poke

[Same as Adversary]

Upgrade to Frenemy

I'm lookin' for a character reference or ma resume. I'm puttin' yer n umber on there, and yer goin' to say nice things for me, aye?
Good, I'm glad we understand one another. Also, this wasn't the most awkward way ever to ask for yer number. Don't be slanderin' me with yer baseless accusations.
[With 'Friend' picture] While you're outside getting some much needed sun, Anon looks up from his phone laughing. "Ahaha! Look'it this little guy. He fell down! Hahaha! Oh, by the way, we're friends now. Don't make a big deal o'vit."

Frenemy

The next twat that yells zaboomafoo in ma face is gettin' wrecked.

Talk

[Same as Acquaintance]

Gift

Ah, thanks. Nice and practical, and I can sell it online if I ever need extra scratch. Perfect!

Date

[Same as Acquaintance]

Poke

[Same as Acquaintance]

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Ye be a nice sort. Just the sort to fit nicely in the friendzone. Bet ye hear that pretty often, aye?
Glad I could keep a tradition goin'.

Friendzoned

A lemur's diet consists mostly of fruit and leaves. That was already ma diet. Only I did other stuff with the leaves...

Talk

I hacked into the Pentagon again today. I left a crumb train, so the NSA would raid ma home. When they got there, I was a lemur. I'm like a troll gawd now.
I was just thinkin' how much I bloody love cats. Fuzzy little murder machines. Turn me into a cat next time, if yer feelin' kindly.
HA! I just realized that yer magic spell regressed ma genetics and throws evolution into doubt. Checkmate atheists, aye?
Did ye know the word "Lemur" is Latin for "spirit of the dead". If yer wonderin' if that's ma new gamertag, yer damn right.
All of me closeted furry friends are spammin' me with DTFs now. That's nae me complainin'. I'm from the internet. I'd be more insulted if they did nae do it.
It's the little mistakes that get ye. Ma first energy drink, I failed to account for bein' a quarter ma size. Lemurs don't need 2000 mg of taurine; let me tell ye.

Gift

[Same as Frenemy]

Date

[Same as Frenemy]

Poke

[Same as Frenemy]

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

Wut's that? We gotta snog to break the curse? Flippin' A, that's ma kinda curse. Are ye sure a pint won't do the trick? Aw well. Kiss it is.
Here's goes nothing.
[With 'Kiss' picture] "So we gotta try a kiss to break the curse? Haha! Ye've gotta kiss a monkey!" He puckers up, the sparkles and bubbles appear, and the face you're kissing gets much less furry. Progress!

Awkward Besties

I missed pants. Never thought I would say that.

Talk

Did ye know lemurs have a matriarchal society? Ye could say it taught me about male privilege and equality. But then again, ye could say lots of things. Like, "I am a banana."
But now ye see the truth, aye? I be as ginger as Canadian Dry. Ye best be warned what that means... That I'm just as sweet and refreshin' too. Wink wink.
Are ye busy? I was thinkin' about hackin' into the power grid for the western seaboard and causin' massive blackouts for the lulz. But we could go get ice cream instead, I suppose.
Oh thank Cthulhu, I can wash ma hands properly again. Sweet burnin' sensation of alcohol-based cleansers, how I've missed ye!
Oh hey, I'm mostly human again. I'll celebrate by doin' the stuff I was already doin'. But sexier.
Yesterday I hacked into the NCIC to wipe yer criminal record. But it was already blank. I think that means we need to cause a little more trouble around here.
Glad to have ma manhood back and proper though. It might be the silliest lookin' thing in nature, but gawd damn if i wasn't over havin' fuzzy junk instantly.
If ye be unable to cure me of these ears and tail, we can call it even if ye give yerself soma too. I think ye'd look fetchin' with soma kitty ears.

Gift

Ye don't need to buy me things! No really - I can get just about anything I want on the dark web. I've got bitcoin for days.

Date

.[Dinner] Hahaha! I told ye those lemur selfies would pay for themselves. Now I'm the official mascot of three restaurants, two sports teams, and a largely fiber-based cereal!
[BoatRide] It's bloody well barbaric! If ye can't find a power outlet in the middle of a lake while ridin' on the back of some plastic pink monstrosity, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore!
[Coaster] Yer just jealous that I'm so good at multitaskin' that I can text and coast at the same time.
[Carnival] Oh, just snuggle up and watch. Ye've heard of Netflix and chill? Well this is Netflix and... chillin'? Somathing. Whatever, shut up, I'm watchin' ma stories.

Poke

I get tickled. I laugh. I upvote.

Upgrade to Crush

I was thinkin' today that I'd like to start awkwardly flirtin' with ye. I recommend before things go further that ye make peace with that.
Good. There's nothing worse about awkward flirtin' than it actually bein' awkward. I can't abide that much cringe in ma life.

Crush

Nah, ye don't need to adjust yer settings. I really look this good

Talk

[Same as Awkward Besties]

Gift

Aww, look it ye givin' me nice things like it's goin' out of style. Just like this gift. Ha! Just jokin' luv, don't look at me like that.

Date

[Same as Awkward Besties]

Poke

[Same as Awkward Besties]

Upgrade to Sweetheart

So yer sayin that "feels = reals" or soma nonsense, and the power of love and friendship is gonna change me back?
I cannae believe I'm stuck in some weeaboo bullshit fantasy game. Oh well - let's give'er a try!

Sweetheart

Unfortunately, I must still smell pretty attractive to other lemurs. Ma last trip to the zoo, there were a lot of thirsty lemurs checkin' me out...

Talk

[Same as Crush]

Gift

[Same as Crush]

Date

[Same as Crush]

Poke

[Same as Crush]

Upgrade to Boyfriend

I accidentally updated ma Twitch stream that I was in a relationship. I don't want to be bothered changin' it back, so let's just make it official, aye?
Great. Thanks for savin' me nine seconds of inconvenience. I appreciate it.

Boyfriend

Oi, nice to see ye. Are we goin' to be makin' a nuisance of ourselves together today?

Talk

I just noticed yer the attractive sort. Ye've got the kind of eyes that take one's breath away. If I faint, I'm hackin' yer instagram.
Ye busy? I was goin' to make a bad "Nutflix and chill" joke, then get super awkward when ye hesitate, before goin' to make memes for a few hours instead. But I can cancel.
Damn. I actually really like ye, and I want to do a bunch of romantic normie bs now. Ma sarcastic nature just can't handle it.
We should hold hands. Once ye've washed yers. No offense. The thought of microscopic germs pollutin' ma bloodstream and impregnatin' me with their asexual offspring just ruins the mood a bit.
I like ye better than cats. Almost. It's within R point two plus minus alt 5. That's crazy romantic, aye?

Gift

This will look great on ma bedroom floor. In fact there's a few things I could imagine lookin' great there...

Date

[Same as Sweetheart]

Poke

Ack! Ye made me giggle! Now it's ma turn to make ye blush!

Upgrade to Lover

So this is it. The last level before I turn back to normal. It's been uhh... Pleasant actually. Ye've been a right proper sweetheart, and I hope ye choose to stick around.
Thanks luv. I feel the same.
[With 'Transformation' picture] While playing some couch co-op, Anon gives you a sideways look, then leans over and kisses you. It's a quick, silly thing... But it causes a magical explosion! Anon falls to the ground, a little stunned and surprised. The curse is broken!
[With 'Lover' picture] "Hey - I took this photo for ye to get'cha hot and bothered. Did it work? And no, before ye accuse me, I did nae photoshop the abs. You can tell because of the way it is. Hit me up sometime when you want to make trouble." - Anon

Sex Scene

While playing some couch co-op, you feel Anon's hand move up the inside of your thigh. He caresses your groin, and leans over to kiss you. He's just starting to undress, when a magical explosion sends him (and his clothes) flying. The curse is broken!
He pauses for a moment, and you can see his erection throbbing intensely. He shrugs, picks himself up, and begins to undress you. He licks your neck, your stomach, and your privates until you feel your body shudder with pleasure. When you finally grasp his dick, he can only last a few moments before cumming himself.
Later, laying on your couch, he laughs, "Haha! Damn! Yer better with yer hands than I thought. Mind if we go another round? Feel like I got something to prove now." Another round becomes three more before he finally collapses, exhausted.

Lover

Ye be a fairer sight than a bitcoin surge, luv!

Talk

[Same as Boyfriend]

Gift

[Same as Boyfriend]

Date

[Masquerade] Aye luv, I'll put the phone down and dance ye up proper. But first the selfie. Always the selfie first.
[All the rest are same as Boyfriend]

Upgrade to Max Lover

Yeah yeah yeah. Stop givin' me that smug look. Yer as romantic as hell, n' ye keep blowin' ma mind. Shut it.
Ahh, just jokin', ma wee haggis! Keep it up. Ye know I love it.

Max Lover

[Same as Lover]
(Naked) How does a screen junkie like me stay so fit you ask? I vibrate. Ma leg bounces are the stuff of legend.
(Naked) Surprise! I still be naked!
(Naked) Ma clothes didn't load. Yer wifi sucks, I guess.

Talk

Nae gonna lie, I miss the ears. I was a kawaii little bastard, aye? But I'm glad ma headphones aren't just cosmetic anymore.
Looks like ye've cured me with the power of love. That's so lame that we may as well kiss and live happily ever after, like the bloody cliches we are.
I think our relationship is ready to go to the next level. Let's get a cat.
Ya should keep wearin' whatever it is yer wearin' that makes ya smell so good. Because ya smell pretty.
We can hold hands now. Ya don't need to wash'em. Okay, maybe just wash'em a little. Sorry - I'm gettin' better at this human contact thing.
I squeezed 10 pounds of oranges into half a litre of juice for ya. If that's nae love, then I can't be arsed to figure out what is.
I suppose now I'm in a love triangle with ya and all those other blokes. Wait - love TRIANGLE? Illuminati confirmed.
Did ya... want to go outside together? What? Don't look at me like I'm daft! I'm a ginger voluntarily invitin' ya into the sun! Ya should feel honored!
When the zombie apocalypse begins, get to ma house as quickly as ye can. I have a plan to protect us. And nine thousand packages of girl guide cookies.
I was thinkin' of orderin' a couple of lemur costumes. For roleplay. Ah, just kiddin'!
I still get the odd lemur impulse. Or at least I hope they're lemur impulses. Otherwise I might just be a bit odd in the head.
I built ya a new computer rig, complete with some script kiddie stuff so we can DDOS together. Just like a normal couple!
I was hackin' into the NSA's firewall today, when ma mind wandere and I started thinkin' of ya. Ya didn't know it, but yer the best cyber defense in the world right now.

Gift

... I dunno what to say... Thanks luv... It's... good.
[Boxers] Nothin' like a proper banana hammock to make a man feel truly comfortable
[Birthday Suit] Whoop, there go ma clothes. I'm glado see yer usin' that magic of yers properly now.

Date

[Same as Lover]

Poke

[Same as Lover]
(Naked) Stop it! I hate ma laugh, especially ma naked laugh. Aye, that's a thing!
(Naked) Ah ha ha! No! Bad touch! Ye already lemur-ed ma dignity away, stop with the tickles!
(Naked) Oh fine! But my revenge tickles will reduce ye to a blatherin' mess of aroused giggles!
(Naked) Oi! None of that now! Nae unless it be leadin' to mutual nakedness and crazy amounts of love makin'. Like, just an unreasonable amount of love makin'.

Requirement Table

Relationship Level	Requirement 1	Requirement 2	Requirement 3	Requirement 4	Rewards
Adversary	16,460 affection	Lvl 13 Gamer	Lvl 14 Smart	15 Dinner Dates	0.05 Prestige Multiplier
Acquaintance	45,952 affection	Lvl 14 Gamer	Lvl 15 Smart	15 Boat Ride Dates	0.10 Prestige Multiplier
Frenemy	1,122,612 affection	Lvl 15 Gamer	Lvl 16 Disciplined	75 Hammocks	0.15 Prestige Multiplier
Friendzoned	2,518,964 affection	Lvl 17 Observant	1 Tree	15 Carnival Dates	0.20 Prestige Multiplier
Awkward Besties	12,525,628 affection	Lvl 20 Gamer	10,000 Coffees	15 Dinner Dates	0.25 Prestige Multiplier
Crush	44,433,570 affection	Lvl 24 Gamer	69 Calculators	15 Boat Ride Dates	0.30 Prestige Multiplier
Sweetheart	14,336,820,634 affection	Lvl 26 Smart	69 Drones	15 Coaster Dates	0.35 Prestige Multiplier
Boyfriend	263,342,664,856 affection	Lvl 30 Guts	100 Games	15 Carnival Dates	0.40 Prestige Multiplier
Lover	1,411,903,304,504 affection	Lvl 34 Gamer	1 Laptop	15 Masquerade Dates	0.45 Prestige Multiplier
Max Lover	You did it!	-	-	-	2.25 Total Prestige

Trivia

He is a germaphobe.
He smokes weed, at least recreationally.
He loves cats.
He makes several references to being internet savvy (/b/, 4chan, doxxing, "Navy Seal" copypasta, etc)
Judging by his accent and appearance (bright green eyes, bright red hair), Anon is most likely Irish or Scottish.
He is related to Nina from Crush Crush.
His requirements were rebalanced for V.0.20 - affection needed decreased, some hobby levels decreased, and some gift requirements changed:
- Awkward Besties - 50,000 Coffees to 10,000 Coffees
- Crush - 666 Calculators to 69 Calculators
- Boyfriend - 1,000 Games to 100 Games
- Lover - 2 Laptops to 1 Laptop

Anon

Personality

Dialogue List

First Meeting

Adversary

Talk

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Acquaintance

Acquaintance

Talk

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Frenemy

Frenemy

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Friendzoned

Friendzoned

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Awkward Besties

Awkward Besties

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Crush

Crush

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Sweetheart

Sweetheart

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Boyfriend

Boyfriend

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Upgrade to Lover

Sex Scene

Lover

Talk

Gift

Date

Upgrade to Max Lover

Max Lover

Talk

Gift

Date

Poke

Requirement Table

Trivia

Galleries

Memory Album

Sprites - Default Outfit (Animal)

Sprites - Default Outfit (Hybrid)

Sprites - Default Outfit (Human)

Sprites - Boxers

Fan Feed