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Blanche is a phone fling girl. In desktop versions, she is a nurse that works for the Centre for Learning Intimate Technologies who contacts you with a service message to make sure you are a sexually conscientious individual.

In the mobile version, she is a part of the Centre for Understanding Nutritional Technology and gives you nutritional information instead.

Personality[]

Trivia[]

  • Blanche identifies as a bisexual woman who just so happens to love sex.
  • Blanche is the currently the only Phone Fling Girl who was given completely different conversation in Mobile Version comparing to the Official Version (Desktop).

Messages[]

Desktop version (SFW)[]

Progress SFW chat
1/23 Hello and good day! My name is Blanche, and I'm a public sexual health nurse with the Centre for Learning Intimate Technologies!
2/23 This is a courtesy health service message to make sure that you are a fully informed, sexually conscientious individual with knowledge on the basic fundamentals of sexual congress, intimacy and consent!
(A) This is the greatest spam message in the history of spam messages.
(B) This isn't a thing. Is this a thing? This is a troll thing, isn't it?
3/23 Hahaha! Well, I hope I don't put you off with the unsolicited message. Just hear me out real quick! No no! I assure you that this is a genuine public outreach. Hear me out just for a moment!
4/23 Studies show that 50% of people are dumber than the national average. That's a major concern for any person looking to expose their genitalia for mutual sexual gratification!
5/23 And so, if you are interested, I would be very pleased to provide a brief but comprehensive crash course in sexual health and intimate relations!
6/23 If you identify with a sexually participating gender and are at least 18 years of age, just respond to this text to begin the course at any time.
7/23 Otherwise, have yourself a great day! Be safe and have fun!
(A) Well, as I always say, there's no such thing as too much education.
(B) I wouldn't mind a refresher! But I usually require pretty detailed "demonstrations"...
8/23 That's the spirit! You took the words right out of my thumbs! You bet! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic, but that's sort of the idea!
9/23 As an 'Intimate Technologies' nurse, it is my life's mission to cultivate healthy attitudes toward sexuality and intimacy!
10/23 To normalize this process, I'm very pleased to tell you that it is my intent to be as candid and graphic with you as you are comfortable with.
11/23 If it makes you feel more comfortable, please flirt with me as much as you like! :D I identify as a bisexual woman and enjoy sex very much!
(A) Well, I identify as someone who's into bisexual women who enjoy sex. So that's good!
(B) Wow. That is NOT what I thought you were going to say.
12/23 That's wonderful! It sounds like we're on the same page! Until we dispel some of the taboos around sex and its cultural significance, we'll always be in danger of misunderstandings!
13/23 Alright, let's begin! I would like to start with the proper use of a condom, if that's alright with you!
(A) I dunno... I feel pretty confident in that department.
(B) It's not really relevant for my interests, but go ahead I suppose.
14/23 I bet you are! But it's good to start with the basics, just so we're not operating under any common miscontraceptions. They're surprisingly common! I understand completely! But even if there's a distinct lack of phallic interaction in your life, proper condom technique could prove an important skill!
15/23 Condoms are easy! Start by unpackaging the condom, being careful not to damage it in your sexual hunger!
16/23 Try to always use a fresh condom. Keeping one in your wallet or purse for too long could subject it to unneeded wear and tear.
17/23 Make sure to arrange the condom so that it "rolls down" the shaft, all the way to the base. If you put it on backwards it'll be SUPER uncomfortable.
18/23 The last step is to put it to work! Engage in your activity of choice and enjoy!
(A) ...Am I supposed to practice? Do I get graded?
(B) Instructions unclear. Condom is on my TV.
19/23 Tee hee! No no no, though if you would like to practice I would recommend using an appropriate substitute! Hahaha! Oh my, the dreaded 'condom on my TV' complication!
20/23 In my professional opinion, the best way to get good with a condom is to practice. And there's nothing better for practicing on than a banana!
21/23 Hold on a moment! I'll send you a picture for demonstrative purposes...
Pause 4 hour pause
22/23 Here! Your banana should look something like this when you're finished!
23/23 [Blanche photo 1]
1/32 Wow! See how happy I am that you've done a good job?
2/32 If this were actual foreplay, I would be assuming a more receptive position.
3/32 Take notes! Ask questions!
(A) Thanks for the visual aid. Umm... I really like your uniform. It's... flattering.
(B) Wow! You're even hotter than I even imagined. And I was pretty much fantasizing the perfect woman.
4/32 More like YOU'RE flattering! Why thank you! I'm reciprocating your feelings, and imagining you as an intense and talented lover!
5/32 I'm glad you like it though! I experience intense arousal at the thought of people fantasizing about me! I experience deep satisfaction when people are honest with their sensual feelings towards me. So thank you for your honesty!
6/32 Well now that we are more acquainted, I would like to give you the opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
7/32 Don't be shy. I'm a professional!
(A) What's the most common sexual misconception?
(B) Really curious. What's your favorite... activity?
8/32 Oh! Great question! I don't think I could quantify which one is the worst, but I do have a "favorite" misconception I often like to clear up! Oh! What a great question - and thank you for being interested in my thoughts and preferences!
9/32 Concerning 'blue balls' - defined as an intense pain experience by men that are brought to intense sexual stimulation without the release of ejaculation. My favorite 'activity' is a M/F session, where my partner stands over me!
10/32 This is a real occurrence. It is poorly studied however. And regardless of its existence, it is NOT a reason to side step a sexual partner's right to say 'No.' I enjoy the feeling of being dominated, while also simultaneously holding the "power" literally in my hands.
11/32 Any man left "holding the bag" should seek release through self stimulation. It's a rush! It's honestly my favorite thing, despite the mess and the flavor. Hahaha!
Pause 1 hour pause
12/32 That's actually a decent segue into our next topic!
13/32 Proper erogenous stimulation techniques!
(A) Alright, but I might require more "visual aids"...
(B) Your enthusiasm is contagious.
14/32 Of course! I definitely want to make sure you have a firm grip of the subject matter! Thanks! As I mentioned, I have considerable interest in this topic, and am very excited to share!
15/32 Every person's sexual desires are different! The most important thing is to encourage honesty and openness to yourself and partners. And don't neglect experimentation or exploring your tastes!
16/32 There are, however, a few smart 'tips' to keep in mind to increase the likelihood of satisfaction.
17/32 When it comes to persons anatomically female, proper foreplay is key!
(A) Now I have the mental image of two locks rubbing together.
(B) I knew you were going to say "foreplay".
18/32 Hahaha! Well now, personally, I'm picturing a ring key. With hundreds of keys... This isn't rocket science! Though rocket science itself can't escape a little bit of phallic comparison.
19/32 Do not advance too quickly to rapid or intense stimulation. Building anticipation is vital. Tease your partner, tempt them, caress them, and start gently.
20/32 Feather-touch direct stimulation before proceeding to firm and consistent massaging, will dramatically increase the likelihood of the recipient achieving satisfaction.
21/32 And finally, during any form of penetration, mix-up deep and shallow "thrusts". Keep'em guessing!
22/32 Still with me? Any questions?
(A) All seems pretty straight forward.
(B) Still here. Still hoping for a demonstration.
23/32 Yes, exactly! And, of course, be receptive to your partner's desires. I love your eagerness! It shows you have comfort and confidence in your own sexuality!
24/32 If they beg for you to just let loose and go wild, throw the gentle stuff in the trash and get to work! As promised, I will be pleased to provide visuals for demonstrative purposes.
25/32 When it comes to male genitalia, things are a little different!
26/32 It's important for the recipient to be in an amorous frame of mind to maintain speed and altitude, so to speak.
27/32 But you can achieve ascending levels of stimulation by incorporating many different actions. Like a dance!
28/32 Be aware that overstimulation can affect people of all genders and orientations. Pay attention to your partner!
29/32 And for sitting through all of that, I will be pleased to provide a demonstration of what we've discussed for your own pleasure!
30/32 One moment, I need to find something suitable for my own tastes...
Pause 2 day pause
31/32 Here you are!
32/32 [Blanche photo 2]
1/32 As you can see, I am very pleased by the results I'm having on my partner so far!
(A) I was having difficulty imagining it until this moment. Thanks for the pic!
(B) That is one lucky eggplant!
2/32 That's why a direct approach is always best when it comes to teaching others! That's very kind of you to say! But there's always a chance that the eggplant will prefer something else, so it should be honest.
3/32 For far too long, people have been afraid to speak openly about sex. And it can lead to misunderstandings and ruined "opportunities". There's nothing worse than an eggplant "sticking it out" and hoping things will get better. That eggplant needs to speak up!
4/32 I need to inform you that my time is almost up! :O
5/32 I only have so long to speak with each person, though I wish it were much more.
6/32 Before I go, is there anything else I can cover or answer for you?
(A) Is it normal to have a "thing" for nurses? Because I think I do...
(B) You're amazing. I just want to know more of you.
7/32 It's absolutely normal! Anything that stokes your sexual appetite, as long as it falls within the bounds of consent, is worth celebrating! That makes me very happy to hear! After a frank discussion of sexual subject matter, I'm so happy that your first interest is knowing more about me!
8/32 Before I go, then, I'll tell you my favorite sexual fantasy.
9/32 My favorite sexual fantasy is pleasuring an injured loved one that are unable to do it themselves.
10/32 I like to imagine that I'm visiting them to help them with a bunch of unrelated things. Like checking their mail, fluffing their pillows, that sort of thing.
11/32 I offer to give them a sponge bath. But as I bathe them, I notice them becoming aroused. They start breathing heavy and become sensitive to touch.
12/32 They're somewhat embarrassed. They've never hinted at it before, but now they tell me their true, intimate feelings. I'm delighted!
(A) I've seen this soap opera. Does your evil / naughty twin come in to help?
(B) Well, if I had a beautiful nurse friend, I'd probably feel the same way.
13/32 Hahaha! No, though if I had a twin I assume that I'd be the evil / naughty one. Right?! I mean I'm a nurse, and even I'm attracted to nurses. That probably sounds a bit narcissistic...
14/32 Anyway - I begin to clean them again. Softly rubbing and scrubbing them.
15/32 I sit so they can see how excited I'm getting.
16/32 I then explore and pleasure them to the best of my abilities.
Pause 1 hour pause
17/32 As a professional, I should note - we alway use proper protection, when we even begin to make love.
18/32 After we're finished, they feel so much better!
19/32 One more sponge bath, and I'm back on my rounds.
20/32 That is by far my favorite fantasy.
21/32 I should note - this scenario is one that I would consider somewhat fetishistic.
22/32 I would not engage in this scenario in reality. It would be an excellent role playing scenario with a romantic partner though.
23/32 Alright! I should go! But I've enjoyed out time together very much.
(A) I really really hope I get a chance to talk with you again.
(B) I did more than "enjoy" it. Just so you know.
24/32 I do as well! I am not telling you this simply for pleasantries - I enjoyed our interaction immensely! I "did" too. Hahaha! It's funny to suddenly be coy about such things, after everything else.
25/32 Alright, as the final part of this public health service, I would like to stress the importance of consent!
26/32 If we, as a society, could gain a greater understanding of consent, we would all be much better off.
27/32 Recognizing what consent is, what it looks like, and feeling safe to give and rescind it will lead to much healthier (and more pleasurable) relationships.
28/32 So my final "visual aid" is a test for you. To see if it presents a clear example of consent.
29/32 Please stand by. Taking this photo will take some preparation...
Pause 3 day pause
30/32 Alright, ready!
31/32 If your partner looks like this, do you feel you have consent?
32/32 [Blanche photo 3]
1/∞ Notice how happy and enthusiastic I am about what is about to happen...
(A) Well, you do look enthusiastic. But I can't hear what you're saying, so I'm going to say "maybe".
(B) Well... I feel like this is 99% of the way there, but...
2/∞ Yes! Well done! Yes! Well observed!
3/∞ The right answer is that consent doesn't really "look" like anything.
4/∞ I mean, I might have a grouchy face. Or I might be just really bad at playing Twister.
5/∞ So it's always a good time to ask for consent!
6/∞ Consent sounds like "Yes!" And then probably lots of other fun sounds after that.
7/∞ Thank you so much for chatting with me today. It was a distinct pleasure!
8/∞ I wish you happiness and good health.
9/∞ Take care. <3

Moist version[]

The NSFW conversation diverges from the SFW conversation before the fifth answer prompt (17/23).

Progress Moist and Uncensored chat
1/23 Hello and good day! My name is Blanche, and I'm a public sexual health nurse with the Centre for Learning Intimate Technologies!
2/23 This is a courtesy health service message to make sure that you are a fully informed, sexually conscientious individual with knowledge on the basic fundamentals of sexual congress, intimacy and consent!
(A) This is the greatest spam message in the history of spam messages.
(B) This isn't a thing. Is this a thing? This is a troll thing, isn't it?
3/23 Hahaha! Well, I hope I don't put you off with the unsolicited message. Just hear me out real quick! No no! I assure you that this is a genuine public outreach. Hear me out for just a moment!
4/23 Studies show that 50% of people are dumber than the national average. That's a major concern for any person looking to expose their genitalia for mutual sexual gratification!
5/23 And so, if you are interested, I would be very pleased to provide a brief but comprehensive crash course in sexual health and intimate relations!
6/23 If you identify with a sexually participating gender and are at least 18 years of age, just respond to this text to begin the course at any time.
7/23 Otherwise, have yourself a great day! Be safe and have fun!
(A) Well, as I always say, there's no such thing as too much education.
(B) I wouldn't mind a refresher! But I usually require pretty detailed "demonstrations"...
8/23 That's the spirit! You took the words right out of my thumbs! You bet! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic, but that's sort of the idea!
9/23 As an 'Intimate Technologies' nurse, it is my life's mission to cultivate healthy attitudes toward sexuality and intimacy!
10/23 To normalize this process, I'm very pleased to tell you that it is my intent to be as candid and graphic with you as you are comfortable with.
11/23 If it makes you feel more comfortable, please flirt with me as much as you like! :D I identify as a bisexual woman and enjoy sex very much!
(A) Well, I identify as someone who's into bisexual women who enjoy sex. So that's good!
(B) Wow. That is NOT what I thought you were going to say.
12/23 That's wonderful! It sounds like we're on the same page! Until we dispel some of the taboos around sex and its cultural significance, we'll always be in danger of misunderstandings!
13/23 Alright, let's begin! I would like to start with the proper use of a condom, if that's alright with you!
(A) I dunno... I feel pretty confident in that department.
(B) It's not really relevant for my interests, but go ahead I suppose.
14/23 I bet you are! But it's good to start with the basics, just so we're not operating under any common miscontraceptions. They're surprisingly common! I understand completely! But even if there's a distinct lack of phallic interaction in your life, proper condom technique could prove an important skill!
15/23 Condoms are easy! Start by unpackaging the condom, being careful not to damage it in your sexual hunger!
16/23 Try to always use a fresh condom. Keeping one in your wallet or purse for too long could subject it to unneeded wear and tear.
17/23 Make sure to arrange the condom so that it "rolls down" the shaft, all the way to the base. If you put it on backwards it'll be SUPER uncomfortable.
18/23 The last step is to have sex! Put the condomed object in your sexual orifice of choice and enjoy!
(A) ...Am I supposed to practice? Do I get graded?
(B) Instructions unclear. Condom is on my TV.
19/23 Tee hee! No no no, though if you would like to practice I would recommend using an appropriate substitute! Hahaha! Oh my, the dreaded 'condom on my TV' complication!
20/23 In my professional opinion, the best way to get good with a condom is to practice. And there's nothing better for practicing on than a banana!
21/23 Hold on a moment! I'll send you a picture for demonstrative purposes...
Pause 4 hour pause
22/23 Here! Your banana should look something like this when you're finished!
23/23 [Blanche photo 1]
1/32 Wow! See how happy I am that you've done a good job?
2/32 If this were actual sexual intercourse, I would be leaning back and opening my legs for you.
3/32 Take notes! Ask questions!
(A) Hot damn. You are rocking that banana. And that uniform.
(B) Girl! You're THICC as a brick! I want to do things to your body!
4/32 Thank you very much! As you can probably tell, I've had a lot of practice. =D Haha! Well, thank you! That's a wonderful offer, and I enjoy how clear you're communicating your sexual desires for me!
5/32 Also, I'm glad you like my uniform. It makes me feel extremely sexy, and I enjoy wearing it. I also appreciate the fact that you kept that fairly "tame". I have received a lot of sexual interest in the form of raw aggression, and do not find myself responsive to it.
6/32 Well now that we are more acquainted, I would like to give you the opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
7/32 Don't be shy. I'm a professional!
(A) Just how many people do you think it's possible for you to have sex with at the same time?
(B) I want to know more about you. I want to know what you want.
8/32 Hahaha! That's a great question to answer, even if you're just being facetious. It's fun to imagine the possibilities, isn't it? Oh, that's very sweet of you! I like it when someone asks me what my preferences are!
9/32 The most sexual partners I've had during the same encounter was five. Three men and two women, not including myself. My favorite sexual preference is sucking on a very large penis until my partner ejaculates into my mouth and on my breasts!
10/32 I sucked on one penis, while the other two penetrated my anus and vagina. At the same time, one of my female partners sucked my breasts, and the other kissed me passionately. I enjoy it especially when they pull my hair and pretend to intimidate me. Making me ask for permission to continue.
11/32 I was completely out of my mind with pleasure, and could barely reciprocate. I believe that may be my personal limit, but your results may vary! It's fun because I can literally grab, twist and pull them into a fetal position if I wanted. The role play makes me incredibly wet!
Pause 1 hour pause
12/32 That's actually a decent segue into our next topic!
13/32 Proper genital stimulation techniques for yourself or partners!
(A) Alright, but I might require more "visual aids"...
(B) Your enthusiasm is contagious.
14/32 Of course! I definitely want to make sure you have a firm grip of the subject matter! Thanks! As I mentioned, I have considerable interest in this topic, and am very excited to share!
15/32 Every person's sexual desires are different! The most important thing is to encourage honesty and openness to yourself and partners. And don't neglect experimentation or exploring your tastes!
16/32 There are, however, a few smart 'tips' to keep in mind to increase the likelihood of successful sexual stimulation.
17/32 When it comes to persons with female genitalia, proper foreplay is key!
(A) Now I have the mental image of two locks rubbing together.
(B) I knew you were going to say "foreplay".
18/32 Hahaha! Well now, personally, I'm picturing a ring key. With hundreds of keys... This isn't rocket science! Though rocket science itself can't escape a little bit of phallic comparison.
19/32 Do not advance too quickly to rapid or intense stimulation. Building anticipation is vital. Tease your partner, tempt them, caress them, and start gently.
20/32 Feather-touch direct stimulation of the clitoris, before proceeding to firm and consistent massaging, will dramatically increase the likelihood of the recipient reaching climax!
21/32 And finally, during any form of penetration, mix-up deep and shallow "thrusts". Keep'em guessing!
22/32 Still with me? Any questions?
(A) All seems pretty straight forward.
(B) Still here. Still hoping for a demonstration.
23/32 Yes, exactly! And, of course, be receptive to your partner's desires. I love your eagerness! It shows you have comfort and confidence in your own sexuality!
24/32 If they beg for you to just let loose and go wild, throw the gentle stuff in the trash and get to work! As promised, I will be pleased to provide visuals for demonstrative purposes.
25/32 When it comes to male genitalia, things are a little different!
26/32 It's important for the recipient to be in an amorous frame of mind, and to receive sufficient stimulation to maintain erection.
27/32 But you can achieve ascending levels of stimulation by incorporating jerking, sucking, and extremely delicate stimulation of the testicles.
28/32 Be aware that overstimulation can affect people of all genders and orientations. Pay attention to your partner!
29/32 And for sitting through all of that, I will be pleased to provide a demonstration of what we've discussed for your own pleasure!
30/32 One moment, I need to find something suitable for my own tastes...
Pause 2 day pause
31/32 Here you are!
32/32 [NSFW photo]
1/32 As you can see, I am very excited that my partner is about to cum on my tits!
(A) How's this for direct - I want to seek consent from you. For the sexings.
(B) Your body is incredible. I wish I was there with you.
2/32 That's wonderful! If more people had that sort of direct approach, I feel there would be fewer instances of sexual miscommunication. Thank you so much! I enjoy talking to people about sex, and knowing that I'm turning others on is a major sexual fetish of mine.
3/32 I usually prefer to meet people in person before I determine if they would be a good sexual partner, but I'm finding myself incredibly turned on by our conversation! After our conversation, I am likely going to insert that dildo into my anus and finger myself until I reach orgasm. That's how much I'm enjoying this!
4/32 I need to inform you that my time is almost up! :O
5/32 I only have so long to speak with each person, though I wish it were much more.
6/32 Before I go, is there anything else I can cover or answer for you?
(A) I'm pretty sure you've given me a fetish for nurses now.
(B) Don't leave me yet. I want to hear more about you.
7/32 Hahaha! That's wonderful! I think sexual "kinks" are great to have. They can be very useful and special! I'm very sorry, but I must. I have to continue our crusade to increase general knowledge and attitudes about sex!
8/32 Before I go, then, I'll tell you my favorite sexual fantasy.
9/32 My favorite sexual fantasy is pleasuring a patient that's injured and unable to do it themselves.
10/32 I like to imagine visiting an injured friend that's unable to move due to casts or equipment.
11/32 I go to give them a sponge bath and see them grow amorous as I bathe them.
12/32 They're somewhat embarrassed. They've never hinted at it before, but now they tell me their true, intimate feelings. I'm delighted!
(A) I've seen this soap opera. Does your evil / naughty twin come in to help?
(B) Well, if I had a beautiful nurse friend, I'd probably feel the same way.
13/32 Hahaha! No, though if I had a twin I assume that I'd be the evil / naughty one. Right?! I mean I'm a nurse, and even I'm attracted to nurses. That probably sounds a bit narcissistic...
14/32 Anyway - I begin to clean them again. Softly rubbing and scrubbing them.
15/32 I remove my clothes, and sit so they can see how excited I'm getting.
16/32 I start to suck them. I lick their anus, and run my fingertips along their thighs.
Pause 1 hour pause
17/32 Then I delicately wrap them in a condom, insert them into my vagina, and softly roll my hips.
18/32 They can't even hug me or touch me, but I softly fuck them until they come.
19/32 One more sponge bath, and I'm back on my rounds.
20/32 That is by far my favorite fantasy.
21/32 I should note - this scenario is one that I would consider somewhat fetishistic.
22/32 I would not engage in this scenario in reality. It would be an excellent role playing scenario with a romantic partner though.
23/32 Alright! I should go! But I've enjoyed out time together very much.
(A) I really really hope I get a chance to talk with you again.
(B) I did more than "enjoy" it. Just so you know.
24/32 I do as well! I am not telling you this simply for pleasantries - I enjoyed our interaction immensely! I "did" too. Hahaha! It's funny to suddenly be coy about such things, after everything else.
25/32 Alright, as the final part of this public health service, I would like to stress the importance of consent!
26/32 If we, as a society, could gain a greater understanding of consent, we would all be much better off.
27/32 Recognizing what consent is, what it looks like, and feeling safe to give and rescind it will lead to much healthier (and more pleasurable) relationships.
28/32 So my final "visual aid" is a test for you. To see if it presents a clear example of consent.
29/32 Please stand by. Taking this photo will take some preparation...
Pause 3 day pause
30/32 Alright, ready!
31/32 If your partner looks like this, do you feel you have consent?
32/32 [NSFW photo]
1/∞ Notice how excited I am that you'll be "fucking my brains out", to use the slang term...
(A) Damn it. I literally licked my phone. But this sounds like a trick question...
(B) I would say "You're so damn hot. I want you so bad. Can I do stuff to your butt?"
2/∞ Hahaha! I suppose it IS a bit of a trick question. But I'm very happy you hesitated! Hahaha! Well, I do seem eager for butt stuff, but the important thing is you asked!
3/∞ The right answer is that consent doesn't really "look" like anything.
4/∞ I mean, I might have a grouchy face. Or I might be just really bad at playing Twister.
5/∞ So it's always a good time to ask for consent!
6/∞ Consent sounds like "Yes!" And then probably lots of other fun sounds after that.
7/∞ Thank you so much for chatting with me today. It was a distinct pleasure!
8/∞ I wish you happiness and good health.
9/∞ Take care. <3

Mobile version[]

Mobile Version gives a completely different conversation instead.

Progress SFW chat
1/23 Hello and good day! My name is Blanche, and I'm a public health nurse with the Centre for Understanding Nutritional Technologies!
2/23 This is a courtesy health service message to make sure that you are aware of your nutritional needs, and how to fulfill them! Just in case you're unaware!
(A) Like... With food? Like eating food?
(B) This isn't a thing. Is this a thing? This is a troll thing, isn't it?
3/23 Hahaha! Yes! I hope I don't put you off with the unsolicited message. Just hear me out real quick! No no! I assure you that this is a genuine public outreach. Hear me out just for a moment!
4/23 Studies show that 50% of people are dumber than the national average. That's a major concern!
5/23 Our research also shows that people are becoming less informed on maintaining proper health, especially regarding their nutritional needs!
6/23 So we're reaching out to the public to make sure they've got the basics down, and to answer any questions they may have!
7/23 If you'd like to chat, please respond to this message with "Lettuce begin!" Haha!
(A) Well, I've never turned down chatting with a nurse before. Lettuce begin.
(B) I wouldn't mind a refresher! Lettuce begin.
8/23 You bet! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic, but I'm happy to find out! Haha! Great! That's the spirit! You took the words right out of my thumbs!
9/23 As a nutritional expert, my life's passion is to help people live their best, healthiest, tastiest lives!
10/23 Most people have a negative impression of "healthy" food. And I'm here to set the record straight!
11/23 Healthy foods can be fun! Delicious! They can help you concentrate. Give you energy. Even help with your love life!
(A) I dunno. I was attacked by a celery once. Not sure I want to risk it.
(B) Wait - elaborate on that "love life" part.
12/23 Hahaha! Well, I certainly understand your reservations. But I'm a professional. This is how I earn my "celery". Hahaha! Oh yes! Proper nutrition is an absolute must for optimum intimate performance!
13/23 As you may or may not know, a healthy lifestyle that includes at least 2 servings of fruit and 3 servings of vegetables per day can help you live an exciting and vivacious love life!
(A) Hey! Don't you call my chocolate cake "unsexy"!
(B) That seems kind of obvious, doesn't it?
14/23 Haha! No no no, I'm not saying your chocolate cake is unsexy, or unallowed! Health and performance comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes! Perhaps, but it's important not to over generalize. Health and lovelife performance are predicated on others factors as well, such as genetics, mental health, and overall "enthusiasm"!
15/23 I've had partners of all kinds and flavors, and let me tell you - it's not the BMI of the boat, but the motion of the ocean!
16/23 There are a lot of things to consider here, and sometimes the sheer amount of information can turn people away from considering it all.
17/23 But I think that lots of people's love lives can benefit from even small additions or adjustments to their nutrition.
18/23 For example - have you ever been... in the middle of intimacy, and get a cramp in your calf muscle? Or your foot?
(A) No, I don't think so. Is it bad?
(B) If you're asking if I've been stabbed by a demon in the leg mid-coitus, the answer is yes.
19/23 Oh my yes! Not just a mood killer - imagine going from steamy fun to awkward screaming. it's no good! I'm so sorry to hear that happened! it's the worst!
20/23 There are several factors that can cause cramps, including dehydration and muscle fatigue. But they can also be caused by mineral depletion!
21/23 Your body needs adequate levels of magnesium, potassium, and calcium to avoid cramps.
Pause 4 hour pause
22/23 And do you know who your friend is when it comes to low potassium?
23/23 [Blanche photo 1]
1/32 That's right! Mr Banana is PACKED with potassium. And look how excited he is to be eaten!
2/32 Eating a banana gives you about 10% of your daily potassium intake. So invite one to the party next time!
3/32 Any questions? Thoughts?
(A) Thanks for the visual aid. Umm... I really like your uniform. It's... flattering.
(B) I've never felt so close to knowing what a banana must feel like.
4/32 More like YOU'RE flattering! Hahaha! I know, right?
5/32 But thank you! I really love my job, and I enjoy getting to interact with the public. So I always try to look my best! There's nothing I like better than eating a banana with the biggest bites possible.
6/32 You sound as though you're quite experienced in matters of personal health and performance.
7/32 Do you make sure to eat balanced meals? Stay hydrated, and get enough sleep?
(A) I just sort of eat whatever's lying around... It's worked well so far.
(B) I have a regime of food, rest and fitness to keep me at peak loveable-ness.
8/32 Fascinating! It sounds like you might be one of the lucky ones with excellent genetic fitness! That's wonderful to hear! There's nothing that makes me happier than someone reaching for maximum loveable-ness!
9/32 Although a person's lovelife goes well beyond the kitchen, it's something almost anyone can benefit from. Actually - I got into healthcare for basically similar reasons. I was really interested in good health and good times!
10/32 You might want to try a nutritional regime sometime. To see if it unlocks your inner powers! I've always felt that my main drivers in life were helping people and having fun.
11/32 You might even be more of a stud / stud-ette than you think. Heehee! So now I get to do that every day. I feel very very lucky.
Pause 1 hour pause
12/32 Well, it's sounds like you're much more informed than the national average. Well done.
13/32 I've taken up a lot of your time. So unless you have any other questions, I'll stop pestering you!
(A) Actually - I'd like to know a lot more. About you.
(B) Listen, I don't mean to be forward, but I would love to keep chatting. About anything.
14/32 Oh! Wow! Umm - Thank you! I'm actually really flattered to hear that. Oh oh! I see what you're saying. Sorry, it took me a moment to catch on.
15/32 Actually, I was just about to go on my break, so I would love to keep chatting in a less professional context.
16/32 Though that's no guarantee that i won't randomly bring up vegetarian dishes, or interesting facts about blueberries.
17/32 I just... I love those things so much. A little obsessed. So what do you want to know about *me*?
(A) As so very cliche as it is, I'm going to ask if you're single...
(B) You're crazy beautiful. That's not a question, I know, but I needed to say it.
18/32 Haha! Well, even if I wasn't I'm one of those... Polyamor type of nurses. To use the scientific term. Hahaha! Well, thank you for your non-question. I will non-answer it by blowing you a kiss from afar. <3
19/32 If I can guess where this line of thinking is going, I can give you a few fast facts.
20/32 1. Yes. As a nurse, I get hit on a lot. It's okay. I enjoy it!
21/32 2. Usually, when I send the "banana photo", It's a bit more cropped than that.
22/32 3. I actually am that enthusiastic about veggies. This is not the deceit. This is passion. Hahaha!
(A) You have contagious enthusiasm. I'm feeling that veggie-passion myself now.
(B) I was hoping that the photo you sent wouldn't be the only one...
23/32 Hahaha! You know, if I didn't suspect you were being a little sarcastic, nothing would thrill me more. Hahaha! Well, like I said, I would usually crop those pictures more. But I was feeling a bit flirty / risky.
24/32 So let's split the difference, and I'll pretend that I've made a veggie-convert out of you. Go me! Normally I would say I would trade a photo for photo, but I don't want to impede on your privacy.
25/32 Let's see... What else can I tell you about myself without sounding like a weir narcissist?
26/32 I like big dogs and little cats. I like taking off stilettos and walking barefoot in flashy dresses.
27/32 I like cooking. I like napping. I like layering clothes in cold weather. I LOVE chamomile tea.
28/32 Oh! And my favorite vegetable is the eggplant!
29/32 I LOVE eggplant! It's so delicious and purple and incredible.
30/32 Hold on a sec - I always keep one nearby. I'll PROVE just how much I love eggplant.
Pause 2 day pause
31/32 I'm back! Here you go!
32/32 [Blanche photo 2]
1/32 Now look at that face and tell me I'm not passionate about eggplant! Hahaha!
(A) Okay, now you're messing with me!
(B) That is one lucky eggplant!
2/32 No no! Not at all! =D Maybe I got a little carried away there, but I mean... Hahaha! Oh gosh, I haven't laughed like this in such a long time. XD
3/32 LOOK at that eggplant! Don't you just want to put it in your mouth! or maybe a great eggplant parmigiana! I would like to add, though, that this sort of passion takes time. It takes commitment and communication. Hahaha!
4/32 By the way, if there happens to be an official follow up from another nurse...
5/32 Please let them know that photo occurred outside the normal public service announcement.
6/32 I would rather not have to explain how I was incorporating it into my program. Or worse - ACTUALLY incorporating it.
(A) Is it normal to have a "thing" for nurses? Because I think I do...
(B) You're hilarious. Where have you been hiding all this time?
7/32 Trust me, that puts you in good company. I mean - even I'm attracted to myself! Hahaha! JK JK Most likely in a garden, a textbook, or a textbook in the garden. It takes a while to become an RN.
8/32 Well, I should probably get back to contacting other members of the public.
9/32 I mean, I think you and I are covering really interesting and important ground!
10/32 But I should also do my job, sometimes.
11/32 I had a lot of fun talking with you though. You come across as very personable over text.
12/32 Maybe you should consider an occupation in public service announcements. Hahaha!
(A) Well, I WOULD look amazing in that nurse uniform...
(B) I'll have to pass. I'm certain most PSAs are actually warning others about stuff *I* did.
13/32 Oh, absolutely! I'm pretty sure everyone would. I mean, look at it! Your self deprecation game is strong. You just equated yourself to diseases and disasters!
14/32 It's funny, and I hope you don't think me too forward with saying this...
15/32 I have this crazy feeling like I know you really well.
16/32 I mean - we've never met before or anything like that.
Pause 1 hour pause
17/32 I just can't shake this feeling that you're someone really special and important...
18/32 Anyway, should you ever find yourself in some sort of terrible accident...
19/32 Not that I'm encouraging that, btw! Don't you blame me if you go out and do reckless!
20/32 Try to end up in my hospital.
21/32 I've always wanted to take care of someone... Well, special.
22/32 I mean - that whole "nurse fantasy" thing that lots of people have.
23/32 Well it basically goes both ways for me. >.<
(A) I will drive the ambulance myself, if I have to.
(B) That was the most convoluted way to ask someone to play doctor I've ever seen.
24/32 Just give me a quick text. I'll try to re-route you here. Unless, of course, it means you'll die. Then that's a no go. Hahaha! Okay okay, I'm not a smooth nurse. But I make up for it with enthusiasm!
25/32 Gosh - I have literally said out loud, "Okay, time to go..." like four times. It's hard saying bye to new friends...
26/32 Oh! And one last piece of advice before I go!
27/32 Make sure to eat those bananas I mentioned. Because mineral depletion can lead to a number of potentially serious health complications.
28/32 And sometimes to treat those conditions, we have to use what's called an Intramuscular Injection of magnesium sulfate.
29/32 Take a guess where a shot like that goes...
Pause 3 day pause
30/32 Time's up! Let's see if you got it right!
31/32 Intramuscular Injections need to be injected into dense muscle tissue. Very commonly that means...
32/32 [Blanche photo 3]
1/∞ That's right! Eat bananas, or you could get a poke in the butt! Hahaha!
(A) You are ridiculous and wonderful.
(B) That was a long buildup for a butt joke.
2/∞ I feel similarly about you. <3 Hahaha! Those are the best kinds though, right?
3/∞ Alright, I think I've provided enough visual demonstrations to adequately cover the material.
4/∞ I hope this public service announcement has been fun and educational.
5/∞ If I ever have another PSA to deliver, I'll save your number for last.
6/∞ Just so we have another chance to chat.
7/∞ Have a great day. Be happy and healthy, and eat those bananas.
8/∞ Keep fit and have fun.
9/∞ Take care. <3

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