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Boss is your former superior from the Zoo, who fired you after you accidentally passed out the Zoo's magical water (the incident from the beginning of the game). Boss is unlocked when you reach Crush level with Eli.

Personality[]

Trivia[]

  • Boss refers to you as Employee #69247, which can be broken down as 69 24/7.
    • 24/7 is short for "24 hours a day, 7 days a week".

Messages[]

Note that pauses under 1 minute long are not indicated. Where the progress column says (A) or (B), these are your left and right options for how to respond.

SFW Version[]

Progress SFW chat
1/14 Hey buster!
2/14 Yes you! Employee #69247!
3/14 You didn't show up for work today! It's thrown a monkey wrench into my coffee, and it's got me seeing red!
4/14 Hello!? Are you there? Why is it taking you this long to text me back?! I know you always have your phone on you!
(A) Boss? I wasn't expecting to be called in, because... of that thing that happened. Remember?
(B) Boss? I didn't come into work because... You fired me?
5/14 Blast it all! Just because I fired you for gross incompetence, you think you can just stop showing up? And you think this gives you an excuse to be absent?
6/14 How would firing you, and having you stop coming to work, be a PUNISHMENT?!
7/14 No no no!
8/14 A proper punishment is meant to be something that you DON'T want to happen!
9/14 Obviously you were supposed to continue coming in until I decided to start paying you again!
10/14 Which, considering the scale of your buffoonery, would have taken at least a few weeks!
11/14 Now I've got a PR disaster, AND I'm short staffed!
12/14 You're really turning my head and making me cough here, #69247!
(A) Calm down, Boss. You know how you get when you get riled up like this...
(B) I literally can't believe you're contacting me about work. You fired me. This is wacky nonsense.
13/25 OH I'LL SHOW YOU RILED UP! ARG! I’LL SHOW YOU WACKY NONSENSE!
Pause 20 minute pause
14/14 [Boss Photo 1]
1/17 THERE YOU SEE?!
2/17 YOU SEE HOW MAD I AM?
3/17 MY POOR SHIRT!
4/17 Land sakes, I'm so vexed I could just spit!
(A) Boss - the last time I saw you, you tore your shirt because of climate change.
(B) Acting crazier is the worst coping mechanism I've ever seen.
5/17 Well, it's just so darn frustrating! How am I supposed to lower my carbon footprint?! I love carbon! I don’t know what that means, but it makes me angry!
6/17 Now, are you going to come back into work and do your job until I feel like paying you again?
7/17 Or do I have to go over there and rip more shirts before you finally see some sense?
(A) Well, I would, but I've got like 12 new jobs. AND a magical quest taking up all my Time Blocks...
(B) That all sounds... Nice. But also kind of slave-y. Slavery is bad.
8/17 Damn it! I knew you would be using perfectly good Time Blocks on useless crap! I just knew it! It’s not slavery, #69247! It’s called an internship, and you’re lucky to have it. Given your spotty résumé!
9/17 Well, hell's bells and heaven's whistles!
10/17 What am I supposed to do now, huh?
11/17 Am I supposed to put on one of those stupid aprons and hand out water? Like some sort of sissy water-giver?
12/17 I won't do it! I refuse! I don't even believe in water! It's coffee and gin martinis or bust for me!
(A) Boss! You're gonna hire someone new! But first you gotta calm down
(B) Boss! You really need to direct this negative energy into something positive!
13/17 I AM calm! Can't you see how calm I am! I'm nine trees on a mountain side, I'm so bloody calm! Oh, dash that idea! Negative energy is made for negative things! Like firing people! And politics!
Pause 2 hour pause
14/17 Aww, great. I just remembered that I have a synergy business lunch today, and that was my last dress shirt!
15/17 Not to mention that I'm wound up tighter than a tijuana timpani!
16/17 I mean, just look at me!
17/17 [Boss Photo 2]
1/20 I'm a mess! How am I ever gonna get this sorted in time!?
(A) Well, actually, you're looking pretty bae, Boss.
(B) I'm starting to think maybe you texted me for a different reason than work…
2/20 I have no idea what that means, #69247! But you bet your britches I'm gonna look it up on the internets and make sure it wasn't libel! Oh no you don’t! Just because I’m having a moment of crisis, doesn’t mean I’m going to fall for your simple homespun charm!
3/20 Still you have a point. I'll need to calm down before my meeting or else my goose is cooked!
4/20 Any suggestions, #69247? You seem the lazy, unmotivated type. How do you "chill" so well?
(A) Well, I usually find Yoga helps
(B) You gotta strip away all the bad vibes, Boss. You gotta let it all go.
5/20 Yoga? Is that some sort of Political Action Committee? Because then I 100% agree. Hmm. I don’t really understand your crazy Zoomer terminology, but I can strip away a man’s dignity in seconds. This should be a piece of cake!
6/20 Alright. Very well, #69247. I shall try it your way, despite your ostensibly average productivity...
7/20 Alright, first I strip away my pants.
8/20 Pants are stressful right? I've heard that somewhere.
9/20 Then I strip away the tie. The black dress socks. The sock suspenders.
10/20 I don't feel any more relaxed!
(A) I think you've got to try meditating. Look within yourself.
(B) You need to strip away the physical world and see it for the illusion it is...
11/20 Meditating! What sorcery is this?? That's ridiculous. I can't strip away the world!
12/20 Oh very well! But so far this process appears to be making me MORE angry! Not without a decent pressure washer at least!
13/20 Alright, let's try this meditation business then...
(A) Start by imagining the ocean. Breathe in. Breathe out.
(B) Start by imagining quarterly reports, printed on quality card stock. Zeep. Zeep.
14/20 Hmph. Concentrating on my breathing made me aware of my tongue in my mouth. I HATE that. Oh yeah, that's the stuff baby. That's what I like to see...
15/20 Hmmm. Actually, I think it's helping.
16/20 Well, paint my bottom red and call me Shirley, I think I feel a little better.
17/20 Somehow I feel a little lighter. A little less hostile to all life on Earth.
18/20 Hmm. Who knew that relaxing would calm the furious storm in my heart?
19/20 Here, look. I'll send you exculpatory evidence.
Pause 24 hour pause
20/20 [Boss Photo 3]
1/∞ Ha ha! How do you like them apples?!
(A) Looking good, Boss. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen you, actually.
(B) You look… Better. Better is the word for sure.
2/∞ Haha! I actually feel super good! Look at that happy face! Better! Harder! Faster! Stronger! I’m hitting all the managerial adjectives today!
3/∞ Alright, now back to business!
4/∞ This little exchange doesn’t excuse you from skipping work…
5/∞ ...But if you’re on some magical quest nonsense, far be it from me to interrupt.
6/∞ You’ve definitely got a knack for helping others, #69247. I’ll remember that when you come back to the Zoo.
(A) You’re a peach.
(B) I would say I’m not coming back, but you wouldn’t believe me. So I’ll say “thanks” instead.
7/∞ Yes I am. You’re welcome. See? I’m a kind and generous Boss, when milestones are met!
8/∞ Alright, I’ve got to split.
9/∞ Thanks for your help.
10/∞ We’ll see you again.
11/∞ Eventually.
12/∞ Have your people contact my people.
13/∞ We’ll do lunch.
14/∞ Cheers.

Uncut Version[]

The NSFW track is identical to the SFW track until Boss's first picture, and then it diverges with your first response. All three pictures are different between versions.

Progress "Uncut" chat
1/14 Hey buster!
2/14 Yes you! Employee #69247!
3/14 You didn't show up for work today! It's thrown a monkey wrench into my coffee, and it's got me seeing red!
4/14 Hello!? Are you there? Why is it taking you this long to text me back?! You're all thumbs, are you not? Thumbs are for texting!
(A) Boss? I wasn't expecting to be called in, because... of that thing that happened. Remember?
(B) Boss? I didn't come into work because... You fired me?
5/14 Blast it all! Just because I fired you for gross incompetence, you think you can just stop showing up? Damn it! I knew you were THICC #69247, but I didn’t expect it to include your head!
6/14 How would firing you, and having you stop coming to work, be a PUNISHMENT?!
7/14 No no no!
8/14 A proper punishment is meant to be something that you DON'T want to happen!
9/14 Obviously you were supposed to continue coming in until I decided to start paying you again!
10/14 Which, considering the scale of your buffoonery, would have taken at least a few weeks!
11/14 Now I've got a PR disaster, AND I'm short staffed!
12/14 You're really turning my head and making me cough here, #69247!
(A) Calm down, Boss. You know how you get when you get riled up like this...
(B) I literally can't believe you're contacting me about work. You fired me. This is wacky nonsense.
13/25 OH I'LL SHOW YOU RILED UP! ARG! I’LL SHOW YOU WACKY NONSENSE!
Pause 20 minute pause
14/14 [NSFW Photo]
1/17 THERE YOU SEE?!
2/17 YOU SEE HOW MAD I AM?
3/17 MY POOR SHIRT!
4/17 Land sakes, I'm so vexed I could just spit!
(A) Uhh, Boss? I’m noticing something going on… Downstairs.
(B) You’re hot when you’re pissed.
5/17 Damn it #69247! You know rage makes me harder than a porcelain spark plug! Damn it #69247! I know that! Quit telling me things I already know like the back of my cock!
6/17 Now, are you going to come back into work and do your job until I feel like paying you again?
7/17 Or do I have to go over there and rip more shirts before you finally see some sense?
(A) Well, I would, but I've got like 12 new jobs. AND a magical quest taking up all my Time Blocks...
(B) That all sounds... Nice. But also kind of slave-y. Slavery is bad.
8/17 Damn it! I knew you would be using perfectly good Time Blocks on useless crap! I just knew it! It’s not slavery, #69247! It’s called an internship, and you’re lucky to have it. Given your spotty résumé!
9/17 Well, hell's bells and heaven's whistles!
10/17 What am I supposed to do now, huh?
11/17 Am I supposed to put on one of those stupid aprons and hand out water? Like some sort of sissy water-giver?
12/17 I won't do it! I refuse! I don't even believe in water! It's coffee and gin martinis or bust for me!
(A) Boss! You're gonna hire someone new! But first you gotta calm down
(B) Boss! You really need to direct this negative energy into something positive!
13/17 I AM calm! Can't you see how calm I am! I'm nine trees on a mountain side, I'm so bloody calm! Oh, dash that idea! Negative energy is made for negative things! Like firing people! And politics!
Pause 2 hour pause
14/17 Aww, great. I just remembered that I have a synergy business lunch today, and that was my last dress shirt!
15/17 Not to mention that my cock is more swollen than Millennial entitlement!
16/17 I mean, just look at me!
17/17 [NSFW Photo]
1/20 I'm a mess! How am I ever gonna get this sorted in time!?
(A) Well, if you get any angier, you’re going to blue ball.
(B) Boss. You need to fire that cannon, or else you’ll never get the military parade started.
2/20 Exactly right, #69427! And the last time I did, I lost a single testicle somewhere in my pelvic flooring for weeks. It was terrible! Damn it #69247! If I fired this thing every time it got hard, I would need to be investing in tissues, and accused of insider trading!
3/20 Still you have a point. I'll need to calm down before my meeting or else my goose is cooked!
4/20 Any suggestions, #69247? You seem the lazy, unmotivated type. How do you "chill" so well?
(A) I have a lot of “me” time, to keep things orderly and focused.
(B) Anal, mostly.
5/20 Bah! How am I supposed to find that much “me” time when the call of Capitalism is screeching its dreadful siren song in my ear!? Hmm. I like that sort of direct answer, #69247. It shows moxxy.
6/20 Alright. Very well, #69247. I shall try it your way, despite your ostensibly average productivity...
7/20 If you don’t mind, I would appreciate your assistance talking me through this.
8/20 I fetch the lube, a suitable large dildo, and my business cards.
9/20 (Never leave home without business cards. That’s a tip for success. You should write it down.)
10/20 I pretend to look to you for assistance. This is role play.
(A) I help you lube up. Providing additional fondling as needed.
(B) I suck on your cock, to make sure you’ve got steam until the end.
11/20 I compliment your lubing technique. That’s “employee of the month” material right there! I can feel my balls flex, wanting to to call a company meeting.
12/20 I give you a slap on the tush. To show you what a great job you’re doing. This is definitely going to be an all hands. I can feel it.
13/20 Once we’re lubed up, I insert the dildo in my ass.
(A) I help guide it in. Hoping you’ll consider me for assistant manager.
(B) I lick your body, and whisper stock options in your ear.
14/20 I note your determination for your next performance review. The didldo slides in, tightly. I hold you down, and run the tip of my cock along your face. This next quarter is going to see explosive growth.
15/20 Ahhhhh....
16/20 I’m very close to cumming now, in real life.
17/20 Everything is so tight. I want to cum inside of you…
18/20 I’m so close!
19/20 I want you to see!
Pause 24 hour pause
20/20 [NSFW Photo]
1/∞ AHHHHH YEEEESSSSS!!!!!
(A) I gladly accept your deposit, and swallow the loss without concern.
(B) I let you cum inside me, and thank you for the sweat equity.
2/∞ I commend your leadership skills, and let you know how much we value your contributions to the team. Utterly spent, I lay back and think of TPS reports.
3/∞ Wow! I feel fantastic! Like a new man! Thank you for your assistance!
4/∞ This little exchange doesn’t excuse you from skipping work…
5/∞ ...But if you’re on some magical quest nonsense, far be it from me to interrupt.
6/∞ You’ve definitely got a knack for helping others, #69247. I’ll remember that when you come back to the Zoo.
(A) You’re a peach.
(B) I would say I’m not coming back, but you wouldn’t believe me. So I’ll say “thanks” instead.
7/∞ Yes I am. You’re welcome. See? I’m a kind and generous Boss, when milestones are met!
8/∞ Alright, I’ve got to split.
9/∞ Thanks for your help.
10/∞ We’ll see you again.
11/∞ Eventually.
12/∞ Have your people contact my people.
13/∞ We’ll do lunch.
14/∞ Cheers.

Gallery[]

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