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Ferris is a phone fling guy and customer service rep for Crop Corp INC., who contacts you to complete a survey. He is unlocked when you reach Frenemy level with Anon.

Personality[]

Trivia[]

  • Based on the update name, Ferris may be loosely inspired by The Office.
    • In a message, he says that a coworker asked him what kind of bear is best, possibly a reference to Dwight Schrute.
    • He mentions a male co-worker does number twos in the ladies room and says it's "the one weird thing he does", possibly a reference to Creed Bratton.
    • Before his last photo, he says he has to wait until "Ryan the intern" leaves the room, which is most likely a reference to Ryan Howard.
  • Under standard abbreviations, Ferris works for Crop Corporation Incorporated.
  • In the last photo, the yellow note says in Spanish "Llévate contigo todas las experiencias del Camino", that means: "Take with you all the experiences of the Camino (road)"


Messages[]

Note that pauses under 1 minute long are not indicated. Where the progress column says (A) or (B), these are your left and right options for how to respond.

SFW Version[]

Progress SFW chat
1/20 Hi there! My name is Ferris, and I'm a customer service rep with Crop Corp INC.
2/20 Our company motto is "We Give A Crop!" And it's true!
3/20 I'm reaching out to you today to see if you'll agree to take our survey!
4/20 Please say yes! I'm woefully behind on quotas, and I'm certain I'll be terminated soon if things don't improve!
5/20 Why am I telling you that? I have no idea! Pretty sure it's a mixture of fatigue and desperation!
6/20 So how about it? Reply YES to take our survey, and NO to crush all my hopes and dreams. Thanks!
(A) Oh wow. You sound like you're in a worse pickle than me. YES.
(B) I'm just testing what happens if I put both YES and NO in the same reply.
7/20 What?! Are you serious? You'll take the survey? Hahaha! Well, you win our special "can't follow instructions" award!
8/20 Well hot dog! That's the best news I've heard since the lawsuit was dropped! But since your reply contained the word "YES" first, I'm pretty sure I can make a case for not noticing the NO shortly after.
9/20 Whoops! TMI! Hahaha! Nevermind that! So, on a complete technicality, here comes the survey!
10/20 Gosh this is exciting!
11/20 If I complete this survey, I'll qualify for basic health coverage. AND I'll get a new office chair. Wow!
12/20 Okay! Unless you have any questions, I'll jump right into the survey.
(A) Well hold on. How do I know you're not a robot?
(B) Just one quick one: are you a talking animal? It's relevant to my interests.
13/20 I... I suppose you don't! As a matter of fact I am not! But thank you for asking!
14/20 And since you asked, it's probably a bit of a deal breaker, so... Though Crop Corp does employ at least one gorilla in its HR department, I can assure you that Patricia is our only exception.
15/20 Oh! I have an idea! Hmm, but I suppose you can't just take my word for it...
16/20 Here's what we'll do. I'll send you a photo of me to assure you that you're speaking to a human!
17/20 I mean - assuming my appearance doesn't repulse you and drive you away.
18/20 Sorry! :D That was needlessly pessimistic. I'm thinking much happier thoughts now!
19/20 Here you go!
26/26 [Ferris Photo 1]
1/31 There's Ferris! Eating his Daily Donut where Patricia from HR can see!
2/31 Patricia is on a diet, and hates it when she sees others enjoying food, because she's full of darkness!
3/31 Anyway - tangent! Will that photo suffice?
(A) Looks good. REALLY good. You're a cutie Ferris.
(B) I love those bedroom eyes. You're really digging that donut.
4/31 Oh! Well, thank you so much. Oh, you don't know the half of it!
5/31 I would say that I work out every day, and mountain climb on weekends to stay in shape. Crop Corp is a multinational conglomerate that specializes in "Near Food" experiences!
6/31 But that would be a bold faced lie! My genetics rescue me from all my bad decisions! To compensate for a lack of "nutrition", they use "sugar science" to move their products.
7/31 Take that Patricia! You chair stealing hoarfrost queen! That donut is so good, I would hypothetically commit crimes to get it!
8/31 Onto the survey!
9/31 How often would you say you consume food? Frequently, or sporadically?
(A) There's only a few things I do as often as eat. And one of those I can't say in mixed company.
(B) Umm... I eat at normal meal times... So...
10/31 HaHA! You and me both, sweetheart! Up top! Excellent! Crop Corp wants me to make sure you're familiar with the concept of food.
11/31 (Don't worry - I high fived my own hand. You didn't leave me hanging.) Given how asinine that question is, I assume an executive came up with it!
12/31 How 'organic' do you like your foods? Would you be satisfied with "nearly organic" substitutes?
(A) I mean... My food should undergo "growth" at some point.
(B) That sounds... yeah, the word I'm thinking of is "horrifying".
13/31 Ooh! What a sexy word that is! "Growth!" Wonderful! Such an excellent use of the word!
14/31 Hold on, my co-worker is interrupting me...
Pause 12 hour pause
15/31 Sorry about that. I caught him yesterday going number two in the ladies room, and he wanted to defend his life choices.
16/31 He says it’s the one weird thing he does, but I’m not convinced.
17/31 Sorry! Usual office politics around here!
(A) Your company sounds a bit… eccentric.
(B) What were you doing in the ladies room?
18/31 Oh my, what a considerate description you’ve used! I was hiding from another co-worker that wanted to give me a survey on legal and illegal drugs.
19/31 The marketing boys are going to practically “Crop their pants” when they hear that. In my trade, we call that “surveying where you eat”. Which is a no no.
20/31 Anyway, let’s continue the survey!
21/31 Oh wait! It’s lunch time now!
22/31 I need to rush to get my lunch out of the common room fridge, before Patricia gets there.
23/31 She’s girthy, but she moves like a fiend at lunch.
24/31 Her heart is as calloused as her gnarled toes in those sandals of hers, so my food isn’t safe.
(A) Yeah, go get it. I hate Patricia.
(B) Go! I hate food thieves!
25/31 I’m so happy, you have no idea. Oh my, we have so much in common!
26/31 BRB
Pause 24 hour pause
27/31 Okay, back in action.
28/31 Patricia is out sick, or building a tunnel web, or something.
29/31 So I got my food safe and sound.
30/31 Proof!
31/31 [Ferris Photo 2]
(A) You really seem to be enjoying that banana…
(B) That is the face of satisfaction.
1/36 Hee hee! Why, was that a note of innuendo I detected in your speech pattern? That is the face of someone consuming non Crop Corp actual food.
2/36 If you think you can sneak such things past me, I advise you to give up. No, really. There have been studies.
3/36 I’m a professional Pollster. This ain’t my first rodeo. I’m not supposed to talk about them with customers though.
4/36 Real talk for a sec though.
5/36 I just wanted to let you know that I’m really enjoying this conversation.
6/36 I was feeling pretty on edge this morning, but now I’m in a great mood.
7/36 You’re great. This is great. Everything is great.
(A) I think you’re great too.
(B) I survey like a boss.
8/36 D’aww! And here I thought I was going to get through this survey without blushing like an intern. Haha! THAT’S an amusing choice of words.
9/36 By the way, that last expression was just in relation to the “rogue” new hires at Crop Corp get for their first week or two. My boss is a strange little man with awkward comedic timing.
10/36 Just a result of normal industrial fumes. Lawsuits are all pending. But he’s a hell of a pollster. I’ll give him that. We call him the “Poll”.
11/36 Hey, I’ve got another question for you.
12/36 Would you ever consider grabbing dinner with a guy like me?
(A) Is this a part of the survey?
(B) Like… A “Crop Corp” provided dinner? You haven’t really sold me on their food…
13/36 It is not. Oh no! Not that. Never that.
14/36 But we can pretend it is! In fact, we probably should. I mean the cases are still pending, but offering Crop Corp food for dinner may constitute a hate crime soon.
15/36 These conversations are recorded for quality assurance purposes. If those go through, then I’m going to invite Patricia out for donuts.
16/36 I think I was legally supposed to tell you that earlier. Because F that B in the A.
17/36 I just haven’t had much luck in the dating scene as of late.
18/36 It’s been super difficult finding people to just hang out and act normal.
19/36 I feel like I live in a sitcom.
(A) Your office does sound a bit sitcom-y.
(B) Nah, that’s normal. People are weirdos.
20/36 You have no idea. Yeah, I guess.
21/36 My co-worker just asked me what kind of bear is best. Just looking back at the convo earlier, and I realized I probably came off as an extreme case weirdo.
22/36 I don’t even know what that means. Is that a reference? This place is rubbing off on me...
23/36 Anyway, you brought me a lot of “normal” today. And I feel a lot better about things.
24/36 I was just wondering what you might think… of a guy like me.
(A) I think you’re neat. I would def swipe right.
(B) Once you turn off the corporately mandated high energy delivery, you’re pretty great.
25/36 Hahaha! You’re sweet. I wish Crop Corp could bottle you up and sell you at a reasonable markup. Yeeaaaahhh, sorry about that. That was mostly Crop Corp brand coffee talking.
26/36 Actually… They might try. I don’t want to give them ideas. It gives you a buzz. Perhaps not an especially legal one.
Pause 24 hour pause
27/36 Alright, I’ll ask you the last question of the survey. If you reply, then you’ll be eligible for our “special reward”.
28/36 And I’ll make sure it’s extra special today.
29/36 Have you enjoyed your customer survey experience today?
(A) Solid 9. Needs more Ferris.
(B) YES.
30/36 Hahaha! I’m going to post that review on Patricia’s cubicle! Suck it Patricia! Ha! You’re a sweetheart.
31/36 Thank you for taking this survey from Crop Corp.
32/36 Where, once again, I like to mention our motto is, “We Give A Crop!”
33/36 And for completing the survey, I am pleased to provide you with a gift…
Pause 10 minute pause
34/36 (One sec… Waiting for Ryan the intern to leave the room…)
35/36 Here.
31/31 [Ferris Photo 3]
1/∞ One more set of bedroom eyes. Just for you.
2/∞ No banana this time.
(A) You're hilarious.
(B) I’ll treasure this forever.
3/∞ Takes one to know one. I will too.
4/∞ Thanks for bringing a little sunshine to our Crops.
5/∞ Survey complete! AND this means I made my quota.
6/∞ I now qualify for a new office chair. Now I’ll have two chairs!
7/∞ Just one more to go.
8/∞ My name is Ferris, and it’s been my pleasure chatting with you.
9/∞ Take care, luv.

The NSFW track follows the SFW track very closely - the first change comes right after the second picture. All three pictures are different between versions.

Uncut Version[]

Progress "Uncut" chat
1/20 Hi there! My name is Ferris, and I'm a customer service rep with Crop Corp INC.
2/20 Our company motto is "We Give A Crop!" And it's true!
3/20 I'm reaching out to you today to see if you'll agree to take our survey!
4/20 Please say yes! I'm woefully behind on quotas, and I'm certain I'll be terminated soon if things don't improve!
5/20 Why am I telling you that? I have no idea! Pretty sure it's a mixture of fatigue and desperation!
6/20 So how about it? Reply YES to take our survey, and NO to crush all my hopes and dreams. Thanks!
(A) Oh wow. You sound like you're in a worse pickle than me. YES.
(B) I'm just testing what happens if I put both YES and NO in the same reply.
7/20 What?! Are you serious? You'll take the survey? Hahaha! Well, you win our special "can't follow instructions" award!
8/20 Well hot dog! That's the best news I've heard since the lawsuit was dropped! But since your reply contained the word "YES" first, I'm pretty sure I can make a case for not noticing the NO shortly after.
9/20 Whoops! TMI! Hahaha! Nevermind that! So, on a complete technicality, here comes the survey!
10/20 Gosh this is exciting!
11/20 If I complete this survey, I'll qualify for basic health coverage. AND I'll get a new office chair. Wow!
12/20 Okay! Unless you have any questions, I'll jump right into the survey.
(A) Well hold on. How do I know you're not a robot?
(B) Just one quick one: are you a talking animal? It's relevant to my interests.
13/20 I... I suppose you don't! As a matter of fact I am not! But thank you for asking!
14/20 And since you asked, it's probably a bit of a deal breaker, so... Though Crop Corp does employ at least one gorilla in its HR department, I can assure you that Patricia is our only exception.
15/20 Oh! I have an idea! Hmm, but I suppose you can't just take my word for it...
16/20 Here's what we'll do. I'll send you a photo of me to assure you that you're speaking to a human!
17/20 I mean - assuming my appearance doesn't repulse you and drive you away.
18/20 Sorry! :D That was needlessly pessimistic. I'm thinking much happier thoughts now!
19/20 Here you go!
26/26 [NSFW Photo]
1/31 There's Ferris! Eating his Daily Donut where Patricia from HR can see!
2/31 Patricia is on a diet, and hates it when she sees others enjoying food, because she's full of darkness!
3/31 Anyway - tangent! Will that photo suffice?
(A) Looks good. REALLY good. You're a cutie Ferris.
(B) I love those bedroom eyes. You're really digging that donut.
4/31 Oh! Well, thank you so much. Oh, you don't know the half of it!
5/31 I would say that I work out every day, and mountain climb on weekends to stay in shape. Crop Corp is a multinational conglomerate that specializes in "Near Food" experiences!
6/31 But that would be a bold faced lie! My genetics rescue me from all my bad decisions! To compensate for a lack of "nutrition", they use "sugar science" to move their products.
7/31 Take that Patricia! You chair stealing hoarfrost queen! That donut is so good, I would hypothetically commit crimes to get it!
8/31 Onto the survey!
9/31 How often would you say you consume food? Frequently, or sporadically?
(A) There's only a few things I do as often as eat. And one of those I can't say in mixed company.
(B) Umm... I eat at normal meal times... So...
10/31 HaHA! You and me both, sweetheart! Up top! Excellent! Crop Corp wants me to make sure you're familiar with the concept of food.
11/31 (Don't worry - I high fived my own hand. You didn't leave me hanging.) Given how asinine that question is, I assume an executive came up with it!
12/31 How 'organic' do you like your foods? Would you be satisfied with "nearly organic" substitutes?
(A) I mean... My food should undergo "growth" at some point.
(B) That sounds... yeah, the word I'm thinking of is "horrifying".
13/31 Ooh! What a sexy word that is! "Growth!" Wonderful! Such an excellent use of the word!
14/31 Hold on, my co-worker is interrupting me...
Pause 12 hour pause
15/31 Sorry about that. I caught him yesterday going number two in the ladies room, and he wanted to defend his life choices.
16/31 He says it’s the one weird thing he does, but I’m not convinced.
17/31 Sorry! Usual office politics around here!
(A) Your company sounds a bit… eccentric.
(B) What were you doing in the ladies room?
18/31 Oh my, what a considerate description you’ve used! I was hiding from another co-worker that wanted to give me a survey on legal and illegal drugs.
19/31 The marketing boys are going to practically “Crop their pants” when they hear that. In my trade, we call that “surveying where you eat”. Which is a no no.
20/31 Anyway, let’s continue the survey!
21/31 Oh wait! It’s lunch time now!
22/31 I need to rush to get my lunch out of the common room fridge, before Patricia gets there.
23/31 She’s girthy, but she moves like a fiend at lunch.
24/31 Her heart is as calloused as her gnarled toes in those sandals of hers, so my food isn’t safe.
(A) Yeah, go get it. I hate Patricia.
(B) Go! I hate food thieves!
25/31 I’m so happy, you have no idea. Oh my, we have so much in common!
26/31 BRB
Pause 24 hour pause
27/31 Okay, back in action.
28/31 Patricia is out sick, or building a tunnel web, or something.
29/31 So I got my food safe and sound.
30/31 Proof!
31/31 [NSFW photo]
(A) I kind of like the look of you with a banana going into your mouth…
(B) More bedroom eyes. I’m very pleased.
1/36 Oh! Oh my! That is… That is not what I was expecting you to say! Hahaha! Well, this time it’s not just the food.
2/36 I’m actually really glad no one just heard the sound I made. Though it IS partially the food.
3/36 I think it was literally “hyuck”. But not entirely.
4/36 Real talk for a sec though.
5/36 I just wanted to let you know that I’m really enjoying this conversation.
6/36 I was feeling pretty on edge this morning, but now I’m in a great mood.
7/36 You’re great. This is great. Everything is great.
(A) I think you’re great too.
(B) I survey like a boss.
8/36 D’aww! And here I thought I was going to get through this survey without blushing like an intern. Haha! THAT’S an amusing choice of words.
9/36 By the way, that last expression was just in relation to the “rogue” new hires at Crop Corp get for their first week or two. My boss is a strange little man with awkward comedic timing.
10/36 Just a result of normal industrial fumes. Lawsuits are all pending. But he’s a hell of a pollster. I’ll give him that. We call him the “Poll”.
11/36 Hey, I’ve got another question for you.
12/36 Would you ever consider grabbing dinner with a guy like me?
(A) Is this a part of the survey?
(B) Like… A “Crop Corp” provided dinner? You haven’t really sold me on their food…
13/36 It is not. Oh no! Not that. Never that.
14/36 But we can pretend it is! In fact, we probably should. I mean the cases are still pending, but offering Crop Corp food for dinner may constitute a hate crime soon.
15/36 These conversations are recorded for quality assurance purposes. If those go through, then I’m going to invite Patricia out for donuts.
16/36 I think I was legally supposed to tell you that earlier. Because F that B in the A.
17/36 I just haven’t had much luck in the dating scene as of late.
18/36 I’m a bit on the thirsty side. I get hard just from looking at spreadsheets.
19/36 I feel like I live in a sitcom.
(A) Your office does sound a bit sitcom-y.
(B) Nah, that’s normal. People are weirdos.
20/36 You have no idea. Yeah, I guess.
21/36 My co-worker just asked me what kind of bear is best. Just looking back at the convo earlier, and I realized I probably came off as an extreme case weirdo.
22/36 I don’t even know what that means. Is that a reference? This place is rubbing off on me...
23/36 Anyway, you brought me a lot of “normal” today. And I feel a lot better about things.
24/36 I was wondering… Am I on your ‘bangable’ scale? Am I close?
(A) That banana you were snacking on earlier gave me ideas.
(B) I’ve been imagining you naked since pretty much the moment you sent me your pic.
25/36 Oh really?? Well, that banana is gone, but I might have another around here. That’s - that’s just fantastic!
26/36 Actually, I have three. I keep a few at my desk. Unless you meant my junk. Then ignore this follow up. I would love to follow up on that impulse in a future custom servicing opportunity!
Pause 24 hour pause
27/36 Alright, I’ll ask you the last question of the survey. If you reply, then you’ll be eligible for our “special reward”.
28/36 And, given the fact that I’m extremely turned on by our conversation, I’ll make that reward extra special.
29/36 Have you enjoyed your customer survey experience today?
(A) Pretty good. Hoping for a strong finish.
(B) Sure - but I’m afraid I’ll need more “hands on” customer service in the future.
30/36 I think that can be arranged. Hey, that’s fair. That’s honestly the way I’m leaning too.
31/36 Thank you for taking this survey from Crop Corp.
32/36 Where, once again, I like to mention our motto is, “We Give A Crop!”
33/36 And for completing the survey, I am pleased to provide you with a gift…
Pause 10 minute pause
34/36 (One sec… Waiting for Ryan the intern to leave the room…)
35/36 Here.
31/31 [NSFW Photo]
1/∞ Bedroom eyes.
2/∞ Oh, and my junk.
(A) If you ever get that near me, it’s getting sucked.
(B) Office Casual is my favorite thing ever.
3/∞ We always aim to please. Certainly redefines the term. Hahaha!
4/∞ Thanks for bringing a little sunshine to our Crops.
5/∞ Survey complete! AND this means I made my quota.
6/∞ I now qualify for a new office chair. Now I’ll have two chairs!
7/∞ Just one more to go.
8/∞ My name is Ferris, and it’s been my pleasure chatting with you.
9/∞ Take care, luv.

Gallery[]

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